Zomboid Blankness

This is me - I am incapable of thought or feeling or putting the two together - I am constantly observing my emptiness and detachment from what I am doing. I have no feeling or connection to people or objects, I am a kind of shell. I have been this way for years, on and off, I should know that it will pass, but I don't, I fear it staying this way forever. I can't access memories or words or constructive thoughts - just loops going on and on about being empty and not with it and not caring. I cannot escape from it because I cannot engage my head, but I know that the thing to do is to try even though it feels impossibly hard to get my mind out there, to find words and thoughts and engagement....