Depersonalization Support Forum banner
1 - 2 of 2 Posts
G

·
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
The saga of shit



AGE

0-3 Crapped my Pants, sucked my mother's teat, cried, stuff like that

3-15 I don't remember...i've always been a bit nuts though...aspired to be a mad genious

16-19 Breaking the Law! like that prodigy song with the breaking glass

19-now (20) - DP DR! It all happened when my dorm's local drug dealer (uber-christian moron) stopped up at my room to share his marijuana bounty with me. This time however, he had brought lsd with him. I was told "ummmmmm (thats his favorite word) if you could handle mushrooms, then you could handle lsd, oh and btw, i'm a fucking creationist piece of shit in case you didn't already know that"

So I said "Hooray!" and take acid for the first time. Moments later, as soon as I feel something. Idiot whips out his pipe and packs it with weed. I'm thinking, weed = smoke...i don't think I could ever turn down a bowl at this stage of potheadedness. I smoke the weed...tastes strange...feels strange....OMG i'm freaking out. Turns out he made me smoke wet weed (weed dipped in embalming fluid), really ghetto shit. Thanks you fucking asshole piece of shit. I spent the next 3 hours in hell, a very internalized hell..i couldn't show i was panicking.

My massive anxiety attack recedes into a more tolerable fear (still frightening) and eventually I go back and get some sleep. Next morning, i'm feeling VERY off. I figured it was how everyone felt after taking acid. Morning turns to afternoon, afternoon turns into night. I still feel the same. Needless to say i was freaking out bigtime.

Flashforward about 3 months. I am at home, taking the semester off to regain my sanity. I am on a permanant acid trip. I see visuals all the time: negative after images, halos, trails, floaters, and an overall dreamy state. I was also having borderline psychotic episodes. At this point I have severe hppd (hallucinogen persisting perceptual disorder).

DP/DR has now eventually gained the forefront of my problems as most of my visual problems have receded. The trauma this whole situation has created for though, is brain fog, dreamy state, panic attacks, severe apathy, and loss of emotion. This has been the worst year of my life, and I have not cried once. My angst is at an alltime high and I smoke like a motherfucker.

Great progress has been made in regaining my sanity, but I have sacrificed so much to get to where I am now.

I'll put things in an interesting perspective for you. Even before I started taking drugs i was only functioning at about 80% (i was nuts then), my drug phase took me down to about 60%, then my first few months with hppd, dp/dr took me WAAAAAAAAY down to about 30/40 percent. At this point, I waver from about 50 (usually a mild anxiety attack, weekly or after drinking) to 80%. Now thats some damn progress.

Thats my shitty story. I didn't read any of yours, and you really didn't have to read mine.

In conclusion, there is no god. 8)
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #2 ·
LSD, pot, emblaming fluid, and a born again Christian... no wonder you have DPDR!

I'm really sorry you went through all this. Here's to hoping you can get back to 80%.
 
1 - 2 of 2 Posts
Top