I had
OVERprotective parents, who never allowed me to do something without being so nervous! My mother is a classic case of nevrosis untreated. She never worked (took care of her parents), because she wasn't unable, she never drove (too dangerous!!), she was always anxious for us, since my birth. She is highly suspiscious, always think she never do the things correctly, always think people don't like her, people are always better than her, etc. She is so obsessive about cleaning, it's not normal, but for her it is.
When I was a young woman, I went out in the bars, and she waited for me, at 3 AM, awake, because EACH time she was anxious.
About overprotection, she never pushed me to do activities or hobbies like exercice (it was for boys LOL, and dangerous too!) and when I was doing a hobby and didn't like it at the first class, she ALWAYS told me : then quit! So I wasn't involved in afterclass activities.
I think she was so anxious that we'd be ill, not normal, dead by accident, etc. That she transmitted those fears to us. (My sister is shy, doesn't work for now and has OCD).
Now I realize all that and that makes me angry. I KNOW she didn't do things correctly, and sometimes I say it to her, and she become so sad and angry and tell me : I never do things correctly, and start to cry. I can't say anything to her. But it burns inside me. Lately, I can't stand to see my family because I see the picture, and that makes me SO angry. I become mean and she ask : why are you so mean to me? It's because of all THAT.
She was racist, kind of homophobia, she was afraid of all, and that makes me so angry.
Again, when she comes to my house, she has to clean all up, because it's automatic for her. She always buy me things because I need them. I feel like a 8 year old kid. I hate this and I am trapped in this. She calls me nearly each day. When I am not at home, she always ask, where were you? Until she founds out.
Anyway, sorry, I don't know why I say this here. Maybe because I am tired.
Cynthia
