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1,146 Posts
long before i ever asked for reassurance on whether or not i was going crazy
[which by the way it turned out i wasn't going crazy ENOUGH]
long before that,
i was:
checking doors to make sure they were locked
looking behind me to make sure i didn't leave any stuff behind when i left a location
over-worrying that my car would be stolen
afraid a family member would die if i didn't check up on them
--------------------------------
then again i don't know if crazy-reassurance was my "forte" anyway.
but i think it's kind of symbolic, you know...
if we are USED to constantly checking on and making sure of things, and if those constant checks seemed to give us control in the PAST, then obviously we would think constant reassurance would give us control in the present.
say, for example: checking that you didn't leave your purse behind. here's a dramatisation:
"I always checked and double checked that i gathered all my belongings when i left a restaurant or school, and as a result i never lost anything!"
the problem there is in the logic: the person is saying that:
A) I always double checked to make sure i left nothing behind.
B) I never lost anything due to leaving it behind.
C) therefore, my ability to never lose anything is due to my overly cautious behavior, and i must continue it.
-----
well, A and B could be related in that everytime the person double checked, they didn't leave their purse behind. however, the idea that A LED to B is not necessarily true. the person could have probably been OK without so much necessary checking and re-checking to make sure they didn't leave anything behind. in fact, leaving one's stuff behind is more the exception than the rule.
so what i'm saying here is this: if you have any type of ritual that you did to make sure reality was OKAY, and you believed that reality was okay as a direct result of you doing something to influence it, then you will believe that asking for reassurances on your DP symptoms will be an effective mechanism. But this shows that what you did to control reality in the past didn't work. You didn't have such control over securing your house, ,keeping your family alive, making friends, as you may have thought. But that you thought you had ANY control was the problem. now you think you have control over the DP. it feels like there's no control but you still think you can do something to control it. Because you feel that something YOU do will lead to stopping a result that wouldn't have happened anyway (such as going crazy).
basically, you believe (i know janine said this once) that you can magically keep yourself SANE by asking people for reassurance on this. and you may be like "oh, that's not why!" and try to see yourself as the victim of this disorder, but that says even more about your psyche.
Many people on this board, myself included, believe the following things:
A) that we need some kind of ritual or reassurance or tactic that will help control reality
B) that whatever ritual or reassurance we performed or asked for actually WORKED to prevent a disaster (like going insane)
C) that, in begging for reassurance, you will likely deny that you deep down believe that you have some kind of magical ability to control the DP or anything else in life, or that you are willing yourself sane or that you are willing yourself into anything else or that you are willing people to like you or you to like people or whatever. but you do believe that somewhere.
D) that we cannot let ourselves know our REAL motives [see above point], not because we are bent on avoiding the truth, per se, but because if we fully recognized what we were doing [magical thinking] we could no longer claim to be "victims" of this disorder. and we would have to admit that it is not HAPPENING to us, that WE are doing it, and the only way to NOT do it is to relinquish control of EVERYTHING and admit we really don't have control.
[but then of course whenever we get close to this revelation we meet a new significant other or make a new group of friends or have something else happen that we feel will only happen RIGHT if we control it.]
does that make a shred of sense?
[you can't control anything]
[which by the way it turned out i wasn't going crazy ENOUGH]
long before that,
i was:
checking doors to make sure they were locked
looking behind me to make sure i didn't leave any stuff behind when i left a location
over-worrying that my car would be stolen
afraid a family member would die if i didn't check up on them
--------------------------------
then again i don't know if crazy-reassurance was my "forte" anyway.
but i think it's kind of symbolic, you know...
if we are USED to constantly checking on and making sure of things, and if those constant checks seemed to give us control in the PAST, then obviously we would think constant reassurance would give us control in the present.
say, for example: checking that you didn't leave your purse behind. here's a dramatisation:
"I always checked and double checked that i gathered all my belongings when i left a restaurant or school, and as a result i never lost anything!"
the problem there is in the logic: the person is saying that:
A) I always double checked to make sure i left nothing behind.
B) I never lost anything due to leaving it behind.
C) therefore, my ability to never lose anything is due to my overly cautious behavior, and i must continue it.
-----
well, A and B could be related in that everytime the person double checked, they didn't leave their purse behind. however, the idea that A LED to B is not necessarily true. the person could have probably been OK without so much necessary checking and re-checking to make sure they didn't leave anything behind. in fact, leaving one's stuff behind is more the exception than the rule.
so what i'm saying here is this: if you have any type of ritual that you did to make sure reality was OKAY, and you believed that reality was okay as a direct result of you doing something to influence it, then you will believe that asking for reassurances on your DP symptoms will be an effective mechanism. But this shows that what you did to control reality in the past didn't work. You didn't have such control over securing your house, ,keeping your family alive, making friends, as you may have thought. But that you thought you had ANY control was the problem. now you think you have control over the DP. it feels like there's no control but you still think you can do something to control it. Because you feel that something YOU do will lead to stopping a result that wouldn't have happened anyway (such as going crazy).
basically, you believe (i know janine said this once) that you can magically keep yourself SANE by asking people for reassurance on this. and you may be like "oh, that's not why!" and try to see yourself as the victim of this disorder, but that says even more about your psyche.
Many people on this board, myself included, believe the following things:
A) that we need some kind of ritual or reassurance or tactic that will help control reality
B) that whatever ritual or reassurance we performed or asked for actually WORKED to prevent a disaster (like going insane)
C) that, in begging for reassurance, you will likely deny that you deep down believe that you have some kind of magical ability to control the DP or anything else in life, or that you are willing yourself sane or that you are willing yourself into anything else or that you are willing people to like you or you to like people or whatever. but you do believe that somewhere.
D) that we cannot let ourselves know our REAL motives [see above point], not because we are bent on avoiding the truth, per se, but because if we fully recognized what we were doing [magical thinking] we could no longer claim to be "victims" of this disorder. and we would have to admit that it is not HAPPENING to us, that WE are doing it, and the only way to NOT do it is to relinquish control of EVERYTHING and admit we really don't have control.
[but then of course whenever we get close to this revelation we meet a new significant other or make a new group of friends or have something else happen that we feel will only happen RIGHT if we control it.]
does that make a shred of sense?
[you can't control anything]
