[JAG]

Hi Guys,

I just wanted to say that, being a long-time veteran of this so-called disorder, DP is something that you can LIVE with, even when it's BAD. I'm living proof, like many who post on the board. People talk about how they almost can't function, but I know you can. I know you're afraid to and I believe you're afraid. I know you may feel too numb, too distant from your self to really think that it makes any difference. But, you can do so many things. You're not physically impaired, you're just terrified. I was a taxi driver for four years living undiagnosed with DP/DR, bad visual symptoms, fog, feeling separated from my body, feeling like a robot, and practically every single DP symptom that you've heard to the FULL degree, and I STILL drove a taxi. Not only did I drive the taxi, but I had an extremely good driving record. At any moment I could look at my arms steering the car, just not understanding how I did it. You can drive just FINE with DP. It's just that you can't believe you can drive and feel disconnected to your body at the same time. You're shocked by the feeling. Every time you feel disconnected from yourself, you feel SHOCKED. You don't understand how you do it. Well, the fact is you're not separate from your body, YOU JUST FEEL LIKE YOU ARE. It's you're FEAR of the DP symptoms that stops you from doing things.

 

[JAG]

Hi Guys,

I just wanted to say that, being a long-time veteran of this so-called disorder, DP is something that you can LIVE with, even when it's BAD. I'm living proof, like many who post on the board. People talk about how they almost can't function, but I know you can. I know you're afraid to and I believe you're afraid. I know you may feel too numb, too distant from your self to really think that it makes any difference. But, you can do so many things. You're not physically impaired, you're just terrified. I was a taxi driver for four years living undiagnosed with DP/DR, bad visual symptoms, fog, feeling separated from my body, feeling like a robot, and practically every single DP symptom that you've heard to the FULL degree, and I STILL drove a taxi. Not only did I drive the taxi, but I had an extremely good driving record. At any moment I could look at my arms steering the car, just not understanding how I did it. You can drive just FINE with DP. It's just that you can't believe you can drive and feel disconnected to your body at the same time. You're shocked by the feeling. Every time you feel disconnected from yourself, you feel SHOCKED. You don't understand how you do it. Well, the fact is you're not separate from your body, YOU JUST FEEL LIKE YOU ARE. It's you're FEAR of the DP symptoms that stops you from doing things.

 

[Guest]

What an encouraging post. It is very true what you say. It truly is the fear of these symptoms that keeps us getting more dpd.

 

[Guest]

What an encouraging post. It is very true what you say. It truly is the fear of these symptoms that keeps us getting more dpd.

 

[Guest]

no

 

[Guest]

no

 

[enngirl5]

lol, care to elaborate soulbro?

 

[enngirl5]

lol, care to elaborate soulbro?

 

[shadowness]

very good post...

very encouraging

i understand we CAN live with dp/dr....

but i do not WANT to...

nor intend to...

i do not want to COPE all day...

i want to LIVE all day....

i hope i can live like i used to...

feel like i used to...

but at the end of the day...

if we have to live with dp/dr...

lets have fun!

 

[shadowness]

very good post...

very encouraging

i understand we CAN live with dp/dr....

but i do not WANT to...

nor intend to...

i do not want to COPE all day...

i want to LIVE all day....

i hope i can live like i used to...

feel like i used to...

but at the end of the day...

if we have to live with dp/dr...

lets have fun!

 

[Guest]

Shadowness, are you in general as positive and happy as your posts?

Like when I see your way of expressing and commenting on the misery I always think where does the girl get the energy from.

Hey by the way, you're from sussex, right, there is a great black metal band named Cradle of Filth, they're from sussex too I think.
Know them?

 

[Guest]

Shadowness, are you in general as positive and happy as your posts?

Like when I see your way of expressing and commenting on the misery I always think where does the girl get the energy from.

Hey by the way, you're from sussex, right, there is a great black metal band named Cradle of Filth, they're from sussex too I think.
Know them?

 

[shadowness]

Shadowness, are you in general as positive and happy as your posts?

Like when I see your way of expressing and commenting on the misery I always think where does the girl get the energy from.

Hey by the way, you're from sussex, right, there is a great black metal band named Cradle of Filth, they're from sussex too I think.
Know them?

i try and stay positive and happy...but at the moment it is getting very hard to do....

but posting allows me to express how i would rather feel i suppose it is easier to be positive when posting than real life...

i do not have much energy...infact near to none :lol: but i just so want to be well again

and yeah...i know Cradle of Filth...i like the music...but the guys voice really irritates me!

 

[shadowness]

Shadowness, are you in general as positive and happy as your posts?

Like when I see your way of expressing and commenting on the misery I always think where does the girl get the energy from.

Hey by the way, you're from sussex, right, there is a great black metal band named Cradle of Filth, they're from sussex too I think.
Know them?

i try and stay positive and happy...but at the moment it is getting very hard to do....

but posting allows me to express how i would rather feel i suppose it is easier to be positive when posting than real life...

i do not have much energy...infact near to none :lol: but i just so want to be well again

and yeah...i know Cradle of Filth...i like the music...but the guys voice really irritates me!

 

[Mies]

yup, I can function. never had any problems functioning, although my batteries are empty far more often than anybody elses.

my main question in life has been: is this it? is this what everybody is so excited about? seems I found the reason why it is, for me.

 

[Guest]

i love soulbrother hes so hooked on this shit... I love you man you little overobsessive fool you!

 

[Guest]

You can definately live with it. In fact.. its quite fun if you have enough stimulants to avoid feelings of exaustion.. thats when you start thinking about the really neat stuff, like the nature of social interactions within geographically isolated cultures... or other fun stuff.. like anything that relates to the self or the selfs role. Its all quite fun if you put on a pair of rose colored goggles. You just pretend its all a video game.. life in itself, is a video game. Could it get much better than that?.. (it just sucks that you dont respawn when you die)

eDfGr33n
"i need more lives.. how else am i gonna beat the end boss. pbbt"

 

[eldoofus]

Most people who visit this site are high functioning dissociatives and can still function even though they don't feel normal. Low functioning types (like myself) are unable to do anything when this illness is at its worst ....and you probably won't find too many of them here.

Here's a summary of how my symptoms were about two years ago:

- My mind wouldn't put a picture together (extreme derealization)
- I was unable to read or write a single paragraph
- I couldn't think abstractly enough even to do the most simple tasks
- Constant symptoms of panic attacks
- Full-on head spins when eyes closed
- Heartrate constant 120bpm
- My mind was completely blank ...head full of cotton wool..extremely poor memory and concentration. ..no identity or sense of time.
- A feeling of total disembodiment, numbness in parts of my body
- frequent attacks of confusion and delirium
-unable to understand a normal conversation
-completely incapacitated (vegetablized) by fluoro lights

I was unable to hide these symptoms from ANYONE -- I needed someone to look after me, otherwise I would have been in hospital.

So when I read about the most debilitating symptoms of this illness being
"self analysis", I don't feel terribly sympathetic.

 

[Guest]

eldoofus,
how do you feal now?
how do you deal?
what helps?
asking cause i feal the way you described and it seems hopeless.

 

[eldoofus]

I'm much better now.

I've been drilling myself with Holosync style binaural sounds for the last year and my symptoms have been improving dramatically. It's the only thing I've tried (taken ~10 meds) that seems to be working - especially with the DR, dizziness and the attacks of confusion and delirium .

I must warn you that this binaural type thing is very heavy going. In fact, this is not something I would want to put my name to because it's so 'out-there' -- real 'nuts and bolts' type stuff of how the brain works.

Many users of similar binaural programs (ie. Holosync) say that you ego is uprooted during the course of program, and this is most definitely true from my experience. I've been in many weird altered states as well -- from what I'd call 'serious non-emotional depression' , to profound states of 'spiritual awareness' ...mostly I'm feeling really UP compared to how I used to feel and I'm slowly I'm starting to feel more normal. Also doing this type of thing has made my syptoms move around a lot, so now I know what my symptoms are (-nice to know after all these years)

At the moment I still feel like a different person each day, and having serious memory problems. I'm also pretty screwed up emotionally -- although I'm feeling FANTASTIC compared to how I used to feel and I'm also much stronger and more assertive.

The most remarkable thing is how my vision had improved since I started with this: from being fuzzy delayed 2D vision, to being very clear slightly distorted 3D vision . ( ...that's where the Irlen Syndrome thing comes in. Irlen Syndrome seems to be a milder form of the type of DR I suffer from).

I am still struggling to come to terms with the world in 3D because it looks so abnormal.

Btw, I would have done ANYTHING to get out of that screwed up state I was in. Nothing else has even touched these symptoms. The way I see it, I dont really have any other choice than to persevere.

Oh, and here's a link to what got me experimenting with this type of thing:
http://www.depersonalization.info/stories/dawn.html

Send me a PM if you'd like some info (you don't have to spend all that money on Holosync). But be warned, this stuff is HEAVY!!