It's offical every male (and quite a few females too) I know of approximately the same age has done a class A rec' drug. This Sunday, a group of uni' friends are going to a happy hardcore rave to take ecstasy. They plane to do about 2-3 each. Many have done them before, and speak of how it's the best thing ever. I, of ocurse, am not going. I must confess, that after hearing everyone bang on about it for so bloody long, I was almost tempted todo it myself. It's such a farsical situation for me, that I might just humour fate by taking some e's. It makes about as much sense as anything else in my life right now.
Well of course I'm not going to take ecstasy. But the situation remains the same: I CAN NOT TELL ANYONE ABOUT MY CONDITION, THEY WILL NOT UNDERSTAND, IT'S POINTLESS. I do in fact feel like a p*ssy. I do, honestly. Most people find validation in suffering. You are brave if you've lost a close relative or friend, had a serious physical illness, fought in a war etc. But thid bloody disorder is simply absurd. There's nothing that can be learned from it, no sense of pride in being so brave, nothing at all. Except feeling stupid cos' you're the only one who can't do e's, and you can't even justify why you can't do them.
I mean seriously, I feel boring for not doing drugs. I must seem so boring for not doing drugs. At my age, in the university social climate, drugs are everything, they really are. If you don't do drugs, then you are a nobody. Of course my close friends, even though ignorant of my dp, are mature enough to see beyond this, and fortunately they're not into drugs that much themselves. Having spent a lot of time outside of educational institutes; gap year, travelling, working full time, I can see how stupid this all is. But it still p*sses me off.
Well of course I'm not going to take ecstasy. But the situation remains the same: I CAN NOT TELL ANYONE ABOUT MY CONDITION, THEY WILL NOT UNDERSTAND, IT'S POINTLESS. I do in fact feel like a p*ssy. I do, honestly. Most people find validation in suffering. You are brave if you've lost a close relative or friend, had a serious physical illness, fought in a war etc. But thid bloody disorder is simply absurd. There's nothing that can be learned from it, no sense of pride in being so brave, nothing at all. Except feeling stupid cos' you're the only one who can't do e's, and you can't even justify why you can't do them.
I mean seriously, I feel boring for not doing drugs. I must seem so boring for not doing drugs. At my age, in the university social climate, drugs are everything, they really are. If you don't do drugs, then you are a nobody. Of course my close friends, even though ignorant of my dp, are mature enough to see beyond this, and fortunately they're not into drugs that much themselves. Having spent a lot of time outside of educational institutes; gap year, travelling, working full time, I can see how stupid this all is. But it still p*sses me off.
