I thought this looked like a good place to start to just introduce myself (*yawn* i know lol). I apologise in advance if this comes out all jumbled up and i miss stuff out, i seem to being doing that a lot!!
Erm, some of the things that i am going through are:
OCD (for as long as i can remember-sexual/religious/contamination/harm/suicide/shcizo/ordering/checking r just a few of them)
Social Anxiety (has been worse than it is now, i think)
'Bulimia' and other food 'issues'
CSP (i think)
i think thats them all =/
i think they all interconnect and docs so far like to blame the ocd for everthing when i'm not entirely convinced it's best to do that, so they tend to focus on the dp/dr as a product of that rather than something else so havnt really addressed it too much yet, grr. that's y i'm glad i came across this forum
ive experienced dr/dp from being really little, i dont think ive ever felt completely connected with the world!! lol, some of my experiences with it are:
-thoughts (esp not nice at 6 yrs old) of thinking that everything i saw wasnt real, that i was the only 'real' (in a sense, tho i dont really feel connected with myself) thing, that everything around me i thought up, that no-one and nothing really existed, it is only a delusion, or that everyone had died and everything had been destroyed and id had some sorta breakdown and started to have delusions!! :? man that sounds odd =/ and similar thoughts to that ^
-like living in a dream world, i can see things but they appear 2D, flat, unreal, i can reach out and touch them but the sensation doesnt really register, so then i ask myself, r they really there?
-visual disturbances, flickers, trails of coloured lights, blotches, haze/blur/fuzzy vision
-feeling disconnected from my own body, thinking that my body parts arent really mine, like for example, looking at my hands and not feeling them, i'll start to wiggle my fingers or something, but the impulse from the brain to the movement doesnt seem to register, i can see them moving but it looks like it must be someone elses. feeling like being outside myself
-disconnected from everyone and everything, sometimes it feels as tho my soul, my essence is ebbing away, like i can feel myself dying, like falling completely into myself till there's nothing, or even that when im in a situation where i should be all happy etc i feel completely numb/dead inside.
-worried that i'll never get the real me bk, that it doesnt actually exist etc
-cant connect with the past like things that happen, i can recall but feel like it wasnt me, everything is fractured, its feels sometimes like i can never really 'experience' anything bcos i cant connect!! things seem to mould/bleed/blur etc into one, sights, sounds etc etc. its like watching a movie with no sound if that makes sense!!
hmm there's lots of them but that's all i can think of right now ^^ lol, i know i dont explain myself very well, i find the dp/dr particularly hard to explain. the self harm is partly an attempt to feel something, anything, any connection!! ultimately i know it doesnt help cos it makes me feel more apart form ppl in particular
anyways, im sure i'll add more in other posts and stuff, glad to have found this place!! *hugs* any/all comments appreciated!!
luv pink chick xxx ***positive vibes***