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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey all,

I thought this looked like a good place to start to just introduce myself (*yawn* i know lol). I apologise in advance if this comes out all jumbled up and i miss stuff out, i seem to being doing that a lot!!

Erm, some of the things that i am going through are:

OCD (for as long as i can remember-sexual/religious/contamination/harm/suicide/shcizo/ordering/checking r just a few of them)

Depression
Panic attacks
Social Anxiety (has been worse than it is now, i think)
Dp/Dr
'Bulimia' and other food 'issues'
Self Harm
CSP (i think)

i think thats them all =/

i think they all interconnect and docs so far like to blame the ocd for everthing when i'm not entirely convinced it's best to do that, so they tend to focus on the dp/dr as a product of that rather than something else so havnt really addressed it too much yet, grr. that's y i'm glad i came across this forum :D

ive experienced dr/dp from being really little, i dont think ive ever felt completely connected with the world!! lol, some of my experiences with it are:

-thoughts (esp not nice at 6 yrs old) of thinking that everything i saw wasnt real, that i was the only 'real' (in a sense, tho i dont really feel connected with myself) thing, that everything around me i thought up, that no-one and nothing really existed, it is only a delusion, or that everyone had died and everything had been destroyed and id had some sorta breakdown and started to have delusions!! :? man that sounds odd =/ and similar thoughts to that ^

-like living in a dream world, i can see things but they appear 2D, flat, unreal, i can reach out and touch them but the sensation doesnt really register, so then i ask myself, r they really there?

-visual disturbances, flickers, trails of coloured lights, blotches, haze/blur/fuzzy vision

-feeling disconnected from my own body, thinking that my body parts arent really mine, like for example, looking at my hands and not feeling them, i'll start to wiggle my fingers or something, but the impulse from the brain to the movement doesnt seem to register, i can see them moving but it looks like it must be someone elses. feeling like being outside myself

-disconnected from everyone and everything, sometimes it feels as tho my soul, my essence is ebbing away, like i can feel myself dying, like falling completely into myself till there's nothing, or even that when im in a situation where i should be all happy etc i feel completely numb/dead inside.

-worried that i'll never get the real me bk, that it doesnt actually exist etc

-cant connect with the past like things that happen, i can recall but feel like it wasnt me, everything is fractured, its feels sometimes like i can never really 'experience' anything bcos i cant connect!! things seem to mould/bleed/blur etc into one, sights, sounds etc etc. its like watching a movie with no sound if that makes sense!!

hmm there's lots of them but that's all i can think of right now ^^ lol, i know i dont explain myself very well, i find the dp/dr particularly hard to explain. the self harm is partly an attempt to feel something, anything, any connection!! ultimately i know it doesnt help cos it makes me feel more apart form ppl in particular :( but arrrg!!

anyways, im sure i'll add more in other posts and stuff, glad to have found this place!! *hugs* any/all comments appreciated!!

luv pink chick xxx ***positive vibes***
 
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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
ooo forgot to say, lol, am on lustral 150mg, hav been on lustral for app 7 months, and i feel more disconnected than ever now!! but it has helped to slpw certain obsessive train of thoughts, i dont like taking meds as im afraid it changes me as a person, but i cudnt take the obsessive thinking anymore!! but like i said ive never felt worse generally than lately and have never been as suicidal, kinda the thoughts "im already dead inside so what difference would it make?" and am trying to get cbt sorted out, but have been bk in the system for a yr now and things have got worse, things dont seem to progress!!

ive always had a big failure obsession and always done "too much" academically, kinda, and have had to leave college v recently till at least september as ething took over (more useless random info for u lol) which didnt help!! so any advice/recommendations at all wud b greatly appreciated!!

pc xxx
 

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Welcome Pink Chick! Hope you find support here.
 
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Hi Pink perky one, and welcome.

Just thought I'd say HI and mention that I also was into self-harm for many years (started when I was a teen). NOT suicidal gestures, but self-cutting for its own sake, to make scars and to feel alive/real.

It's NOT a good thing to do, lol....but wanted you to not feel alone or odd here because of it, and to commend you for even MENTIONING it as it tends to freak most people out!

I'm far from 18 (actually 51 now - and recovered, didn't want to panic you thinking all this lasts that long, lol), but if you ever need to talk, connect, feel free to post to me.

Welcome and hope you find the site helpful,
Janine
 
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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
oo thx for the welcome guys, btw rainbotears i LOVE ur display pic thingy (excuse my poor knowledge of technological terms, technology hates me, and im not too keen on it either!!), i hope so too, lol.

hey janine!! 51 isnt that far :p bless ya, glad to hear uve recovered tho!! its taken me a fair while to build up the courage to even tlk about sh even on online forum type places like this!! i think tlkin to others online helped me feel less freakish, i know it doesnt help things in the long run, i can definately see where ur coming from!! sometimes, when the obs build up so much with ocd etc its a kinda (still bad) pressure release =/ ur most did help me feel less outta place, thank u!! it started when i was around 13 but only increased in the last yr, i never really tlk bout it in real life cos that does make me feel wierd =/ and lol @ pink perky one.

anyways im blabbering (as i can do) so thank u!!

pc xxx
 
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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
oo and luv the butterfly pic janine, butterflies r my fav :p lol ----> even more random info for u!!
 
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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Dearest Pink Chick,

I know precisely how you feel. I won't go into detail about my problems, after all this is YOUR page and who am I to steal the spotlight? However, I just wanted to say that you are not alone and that you have the support of all of us here at dpselfhelp.com. If there's anything you want to know about this or any of your conditions, I'm sure you can find the answers. Or even if you're just miffed about summat, just vent your frustration on the boards, chatroom, or private messages (althought no one's ever in the chatroom except me).

Yours truly,
XEPER

P.S. I'm 18, too, I know how it is. :wink:
 

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Hi, Pink Chick, and Welcome!

You know, it's funny; people will write and banter back and forth, and sometimes there are little hissy fits that poof! and then die, and one day someone will say something that grabs me.

So in the end, I think places like this actually do "help things in the long run," to use your words. Here is like a group therapy situation without organization and without anybody feeling they didn't get a chance to speak!

I'd say this is probably a group with some of the nicest and most caring people I've known on an Internet discussion board and I hope you will soon feel comfortable in expressing yourself, asking questions, making suggestions to others, ruminating, or whatever floats yer boat!

I'd say "God is here," but a few people might have a heart attack! :lol:
 
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