Depersonalization Support Forum banner
1 - 6 of 6 Posts
G

·
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
When I was a teenager, I used to tell my friends that everything around me felt like a movie. Is this what that feeling was? I can't believe there is a name for what I've felt (which is what I'm sure everyone here has thought when they found out about this). I always thought that it was just me going crazy, or being weird as people always called me. I always had small bouts of DR at different times in my life. As a kid, I never felt like I belonged anywhere. Even in my memories, it's like nothing happened to me. Then I started smoking pot as a teenager, and the majority of my time spent high was with this feeling--paranoid and not belonging there but not belonging anywhere. I still wonder why I did it so often. Then I took mushrooms one night--the worst thing that I ever did. I do remember that it was like I wasn't in my body, and I couldn't read people the right way. It was awful. I didn't want to be near anyone. I had a litter of 12 puppies, and I went to sit with them. Looking at them was strange. That can't-be-explained-but-I-wish-I-could feeling. It was like they weren't real, and I wanted them gone (I love and rescue dogs, so that's very out of character.) So I tried to lay down (yeah right. If you've ever taken mushrooms or acid, you know there's no chance of sleeping when you're tripping). As I was laying there, I became convinced that I was going to die. I ran out to find my boyfriend, and in a moment of clarity, kept asking him when it was going to be over. I wanted to be done. Then all clarity was gone. I kept asking for my watch because I knew that I was going to die and I wanted to know what time it was when I did. I just FELT that I was going to die that night. Then when I realized I wasn't going to die, I wanted to know how I could raise a kid if I was crazy. You can't raise a kid when you don't know reality. The next year or so (still happens 6 years later) was pretty bad. I started having panic attacks after that, and I think it was because I was afraid to lose reality again; terrified actually. I believe that doing drugs opened a door that was already slightly ajar. Actually, drugs slammed opened that door. Boy, it's really hard to keep these stories short, isn't it? Oh...I read that fluorescent lights bothers someone else. They almost guarantee me to get DR (or tweak as a friend called it). I hate them. I have left interviews and meetings with people, dr.s, bosses because it feels so fake. Bad, bad lighting too. That triggers it. And heat and humidity. I need to tell my dad that there is a name for the thing he's tried to explain to me and the thing that I never told him that I felt.
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Hi and welcome!

Yes, you sure sound like you're talking about depersonalization and derealization.

But what I want to know is how is the momma dog who delivered 12 puppies?!?! LOL.....I'm a serious dog lover (much much prefer them to people) so thought I'd mention that to a fellow canine-soul.

Hope the board is useful to you.

All the best,
Janine
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thank you for the welcome. Yeah, I'm definitely the dog lover. We have six now. Four are Mastiffs...a Bull, an English, a Neapolitan and an English/Lab mix. The other two are my Shepherd mutts.

And the momma was fine. She was a great mom. She actually delivered 13 and one didn't make it. And she's only a 50 pound dog. It was like the clowns coming out of the Volkswagon. :shock:

I think that the board will be useful to me. I normally lurk for a long time before I post on a new board for anything. With this, it was like I was compelled to write the first day I found it. So that's something in itself.

Thanks again,
Kim
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I just wanted to message you and tell you the same thing happened to me when i was 16 and after that i was fine but still sometimes questioned thing si looked at but yea i was fine for 3 years after that and i took to many diet pills one night and since then ive felt weird again..
do you take pills or go to therapy or anything?
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I do take Wellbutrin, (Celexa turned me into someone without any feeling). I don't go to therapy though. I don't know why, my insurance would cover it. I just feel like as soon as I went into a room, I would feel like it isn't real. Maybe I just watched too much TV growing up.

Definitely don't do any drugs anymore.

It's amazing the things that can trigger this in different people.
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
yea i would never touch them wotn even near people who are going to do it!! I used to have epilepsy and i think i might have TLE plus i got a hyperactive throid so maybe thats just what it is? who knows!!
 
1 - 6 of 6 Posts
Top