[Guest]

Ok my mom who is a psychiatrist just told me that she had depersonalization disorder when she was my age, i thought she was lying but she told me what it was like and it was accurate. "Ok what the hell" i said why didnt you tell me this 12 months ago! She said " I didn't want to frighten you" I said she was bullshitting, im still having trouble believing her. This whole thing is such a mind trip, its like being in a bad horror movie. How fuckin wierd my whole life has changed soooooooooooooooooooooooooo much in the past year its insane. Im glad there are other people out there that i can relate to

 

[terri*]

Utah, I'm also glad there are people out here I can relate to. On another thread I thought you had missed that point altogether. But tonight I see you are seeking some like minded people to understand what youare going thru at the moment. It is at this point one learns how to share and understand someone else's emotions and empathize.

Tonight you are upset. Tomorrow it might be me. This space in the forum is, among other things, a place to air your emotional feelings and get a sense of understanding and support from people who share common traits. I take what you are saying very seriously because I feel it is serious for you.

That being said, it is a bad horror movie. Horrific at times, as you know. The decision your Mom made was not an easy one, I am sure. How do I know? I've had to make the call myself. I have decided not to share the intensity of this disorder with my adult daughter. Why? Knowing that anxiety, at the very least, is somewhat in the genes, I don't want to "put ideas in her head". She has had trouble with anxiety in the past so what if I told her, oh and just wait for this and that to happen. I think it would give her cause to "look" for it in the future. And as we know, looking for "it" and obsessing about "it" can bring it on. Your Mom was probably hoping beyond hope that you would come out of it. Being a Mom and a psychiatrist, as you know, does not always predetermine she will know the correct way to handle every situation.

With this knowledge in hand, Utah, are you going to ask her how she worked it out? Has she already said? Why do you think she would say she had it if she didn't? What can she do now to help you? These are all questions I am interested in knowing your thoughts on. If you get time please help me with some insight as I may be having totally the wrong train of thought myself.

Most sincerely,
terri

 

[university girl]

So?! Please do tell how she coped. Meds? How long did she have it?

 

[kenc127]

I guess the burning question is did she get well? If so, what was her approach?

Ken

 

[Guest]

from what she told me was that, it wasn't chronic DP that it would come and go. She said said she couldn't remember much, just that she kept herself busy all the time and it went away. Ill try to get more info.

 

[kenc127]

That is how i got better my first time too. I was fine for 10 years, then it came back For some reason I'm having a harder time letting it go this time around.

 

[Guest]

i also had it for 2 weeks and it went away it felt good, but then i cant remember anything but now i have it 1 year later its almost as if i had amnesia when it hit me the 2nd time

 

[terri*]

Ken, the first time I had it for a year. Then it went away for 4 or so years. This time 10,11,12 years...I've lost track. :? I just consider it my state of mind now. Got tired of fighting it many moons ago. Also, I layed down to die the first time. When it "evaporated" the first time I said if it ever happened again, I would never let myself sink that low. I've been pretty low, but never that low again.

10 years being gone. Damn. Did anything trigger it this time? I'm sure you've mentioned it, I just didn't see it.

terri*

 

[Guest]

let me ask you something terri, did you know what you had when you had it for one year, i mean did you know there was a name for it ? also had did it go away for you may i ask ?

 

[kenc127]

Hi Terri

Yes, there were specific situations that brought on this episode. I was really stressed with the competition in school, having my ego challenged constantly. I was living in a new place as well around unfamiliar faces. My narcissistc defenses were the only way I knew how to defend myself against all of the stressors. Then after a period of months I started having panic attacks which progressed to insomnia and then to DP. For about 6 months or so I had progressed through the stages of breakdown mode before the DP finally began again. So much for narcissistic defenses. That's what got all this started for me in the first place.

Ken

 

[Guest]

ok i just read that there is a 1 and 100 chance of a person getting schizophrenia, if you ask me that is pretty fucking high, according to those statistics 26 million people in the U.S. have had or have schizophrenia. I think im screwed since i read that derealization and depersonalization is an early symptom of schizophrenia.

 

[ret]

Sounds like bullshit to me. One in one hundred people? come on

 

[kenc127]

lol, it is 2.6 million Johnny. But that is still very high. I'm glad we all had this discussion. Now I'm fuckin freaked out of my mind and will probably obsess about this for the next month. Good God almighty.

There is an interesting component of schizophrenia though. The big S is a combo of genetics and very early trauma. When I say 'early' I mean infancy. And when I say trauma, it must be SEVERE. I talked to my psych about this, and he said that in the people he studied, they ALL had cases of severe early trauma. Some examples: One sufferer was burned with cigarettes when he was a baby by his father. Another was raped at around 3 years old. One was kept in a closet for long periods.

If these things happened at around 7 years old, the person might get off with a dissociative disorder, or multiple personality disorder. If these things happened during the 0-3 years of a child's life, schizophrenia is very likely to develop because the events occurred so early in life, the adult could not possibly ever integrate the trauma into the conscious.

The trauma remains in the subconscious and manifests itself as schizophrenia. Unless you experienced some of the above abuses at the early times of life, then you probably don't need to worry. But this gene stuff is only a partially correct assumption. There are abuse factors and age factors as well. The right combo of things really need to be in place for this illness to occur.

 

[kenc127]

Removed due to freakout factor.

 

[Guest]

yea my bad 2.6 million your rite i did my math right, well i had early traumatic symptoms like my dad beat my mom up real bad when i was in her womb and he beat me up when i was 3 years up to the age of 13, also my uncle burned my lips with a cigarette when i was 4, i remember that clearly. My dad used to beat me up real bad like with his fists to the head when i was 6 and tossed me across the room and all kinds of crap, like i could get into all the violent shit but i dont wanna. Fuck! I haven't heard 1 voice in my life, but i have seen 1 hallucination while i was high on cannabis. Fuck my life fuckin sucks, i wish i was never fucking born.

 

[kenc127]

Yes, I had my ass kicked quite a few times at an early age as well. Punched, kicked, thrown you name it. Even choked a few times. Dad was a great human being...NOT. Anyway, I really think you are fine Johnny. You are not getting worse, and that is what matters. You also have insight. The fact that you remember the trauma can be huge in the healing process because you can access it and deal with it now that you are old enough to handle it. You are fine dude. I'm 100% sure.

 

[Guest]

alright now im calmer, thanks man