Hmm I would say I wouldn’t want to date someone with dpdr, rather someone who doesn’t have it but understands. I feel like if I would be with someone who experienced what I do I’d be stuck in that mindset, and there’d be no way of recovery. I need someone who can get my mind off of this. But still someone who understands that what I feel isn’t something that can just be fixed in a day and is very difficult.
I have, twice. Don't look for happiness being fulfilled by an image that you have of a romance. I'd go as far to say that in most cases, relationships tend to trigger mental illness especially when one is enmeshed with another with the same illness. Work on yourself, first and always. That's not being selfish, that's what a successful relationship comes from.
Now that you brought up the topic of mental health in relationships, I don't think I ever dated anyone who didn't have some sort of mental health issues, not because I specifically looked for people who suffer, but more likely because I was brought up in an environment that conditioned me to seek people who are different, but also those who share some of my experience. For me, their mental health issues were not really a burden, as I believe I could always see the person beyond those issues. Still, I am certain that my mental health issues must have been deeply triggering for my husband, and yet he stayed by me, just as I did, when he was going through hard times.
However, I don't rely on other people too much, and I don't expect them to be the solution for any problem that I may have. I don't need another person to "save" me, and in general I don't need another person, full stop. I choose to have rs, and I choose to have friends, not because I need them to fill in a certain role, but because I appreciate them as human beings and enjoy their company.
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