The 'coincidences' really do bother me though, because unlike the numbers, it's not the same one over and over again. I can expect to see at least one completely new coincidence each day and it just brings up also many confusing questions and philosophical ideas. I think it is exacerbated by the fact I do seem to be in my own bubble not truly knowing whether I'm real or not, and yet people seem to react to me like I am normal. I'm having real difficulty with perception. Things that didn't seem magic before, now seem magic and impossible to me. I question how I can be in control when all of my emotions are controlled by chemical reactions not in my control. It's just a philosophical minefield. And it's easy to say just try to get on with it and it will pass, but what if I'm right? What if everything and everyone truly are created by my mind? What if this is actually the correct way I am meant to think and I've finally just connected the dots, and realised I am the creator of everything I see. That means I am alone, and I don't want to be alone.
I know what I'm about to say is easier said than done, but the true way to overcome this is to stop engaging with it all together.
Reassuring yourself has become your compulsion and because this is a compulsion, you are ruminating. Since you are ruminating, you are perpetuating these thoughts constantly. Since you are perpetuating these thoughts, the only logical conclusion in your head is that you have to find something to reassure you again
. You're caught in a loop here and it'll never stop. Likewise, any reassurance that you give yourself will likely never be enough for your obsessions. Whether you recognize it or not, the true problem here is that you are continuing to give these thoughts weight.
I mean, just look at what you've done here.
I gave you every verifiable means of combating these thoughts and understanding the illusion behind coincidences. Yet, your mind conceded to your obsessions and you found away around the reassurance. This is how obsessive thoughts operate. It won't matter how many times I tell you that the world isn't fake and that you're experiencing a very normal occurrence in every day life. As long as your brain is continuing to churn and ruminate over these thoughts, nothing anyone says will ever be good enough to keep these thoughts at bay.
That's why the therapy used to treat these thoughts is not about teaching you why they're wrong, but rather teaching you not to engage with them at all.
Here's something that my therapist gave me. I've been dealing with hypochondria these past few months. It's nearly ruined my life and I can't stand thinking about the medical dilemmas that I feel like I'll be going through in the future. When I mentioned this to my psychologist, she told me this:
- When you have an obsessive thought that frightens you, tell yourself audibly that you are having an irrational thought and go do something else.
That doesn't mean tell yourself that and ruminate. It doesn't mean think about it for only a couple seconds. It means to literally get up from your chair and go engage in another activity. If the thought keeps popping up, keep audibly telling yourself the same thing. Try as best as you can to distract yourself from the thought. After doing this for about a week, I've noticed my symptoms lessening ever so slightly. It'll take a bit for your brain to finally come around; remember, you've conditioned your mind to create this circular thinking. However, the more you keep at it, the more you'll find it taking less a hold of your life.
Have you ever considered seeing a psychologist for something about this? Certainly they could help you with cognitive-behavioral therapy and lead you to recovery much better than I can, haha.
Sorry for the long negative reply!
Never apologize for how you feel.