It's not so much that we are "childish" -- after all, how could I mean "childish" in the standard sense when we are thinking about the very things that a child's mind cannot even comprehend? So, I don't mean "childish" in the sense of being "like a child."
I mean "childish" in the sense of:
- Thinking that we are the only people who have irrational thoughts.
- Hanging onto the concept of "DP" as a badge of honor of some kind that takes away our personal responsibility for finding a solution that works for us.
- Not working collaboratively with our doctors and therapists.
- Not listening to and heeding the urgings of people who have given a roadmap and exhaustive emotional support.
I mean "childish" in the sense of not committing oneself completely to and taking charge of finding a solution.
I mean "childish" in tolerating what is very much like an emotionally abusive parent.
I mean "childish" in acting like a six-year-old victim.
I don't mean "childish" in that we ARE emotionally like children, but that with regard to DP, we are not taking charge and acting like adults.
We are not good managers of our "cases" and we have to be, because when our doctors and therapists hear no complaints and get no persistent and serious demands from us, they go on their way treating other people.
For those of us who are not working (I don't know how many aren't working), finding a solution needs to be our "job."
For those of us who are working, finding a solution needs to be our second (or our third) job.
If we were not being "childish" we would spend more time planning on how to obtain and implement a solution than we do on sharing our experiences.
Sharing experiences is good; it strengthens us. But that strength should not be used on stoically waiting for the Promised Land to arrive or on commiserating with others similarly suffering. We have to take charge of the process and use that strength to take up our weapons and fight for our lives. It certainly IS like a fight for our lives. Because nobody can live in our heads but us, nobody is ever going to know what horrors we want to slay. We have to hate the monsters enough to want to do what it takes to slay them. A child does not believe he has the strength or ability to do it. That's the "childish" I am talking about. This is a question of life or death. We need to have the awarenss that only we can take charge of this. No psychiatrist is going to stretch himself or herself to help us find a solution unless we PUSH them to. They cannot get inside our heads. They may never have experienced what we experience. My own psychiatrist has no idea what it feels like; he doesn't know depression and he doesn't know panic. I have to motivate him to help me (I'm speaking theoretically) by insisting that I need to find a REAL solution and by letting him or her know that I intend to find one, whether it is with him or her or another doctor. I would insist on a PLAN from the doctor and a timetable, and tell him or her in terms that are as strong as necessary to get across the concept that I am not going to accept spending the rest of my life this way.
Don't spend 6 months using a drug that doesn't do anything. Don't talk or read or post more than one hour a day about symptoms. Keep a journal and record your fears there but don't spend more than half an hour writing.
Also, it seems to me that understanding some basic principles are necessary. They are all here on this site and in links to other sites.
We have to be "grown up" enough to believe that we CAN do it--that we can find a solution that will work for us.
And if, for some reason, we are not able to take charge, we need to hire someone or enlist a competent family member to either work with us or be our health-care proxy for this illness only.
You see, if one sees one's doctor and goes home, and one's suffering does not lessen after 2 - 3 weeks, one may feel reluctant to "bother the doctor." But that's precisely what we must do. If we don't "bother" them, they think we are okay.
I mean "childish" in, "I am at the mercy of the big people and I can do nothing on my own. I must simply wait until my drunken father stops hitting me."
That's what I mean by childish.