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Hi guys so I've been DP'ed for almost 6 months now. The actual physical panic attacks have gotten better since taking vitamin d for whatever reason.

However, I know I'm real I know everything around me is real that's not an issue anymore either. But I can't grasp the fact of why are we all here ? Now before this I believed in God I'd pray to him whenever I'd have a bad day, whenever I lost something I prayed to St Anthony, etc. But also I was having a lot of WEIRD things happen to me the past year like weird coincidences.

Not de ja vu or anything even though once in awhile I'd have those moments, but it was more of like someone would bring something up that I haven't heard or talked about in awhile. Then a few days later I'd see or hear something related to that and I'm like wtffff. It was happening A LOT frequently so I believed in "signs from the universe."

Also I started dating a guy last May and I'm July became my boyfriend. He smokes weed and oil and I hate both. Years back I used to smoke weed everyday for the fun of it never had an issue with REGULAR weed. I being stupid tried oil and I was a goner from there. Had a huge freak attack. I was fine the next day. 3-4 weeks later tried it again but accidentally and had the same panic attack, only woke up with depersonalization and I was like wtf I still feel weird and had no idea wtf it was. I googled it and freaked out, went to the doctors and it went away within a couple weeks but I was having some panic attacks. I didn't have the existential thoughts, just feeling very suicidal.

So this time I woke up randomly in the middle of the night feeling disoriented and lightheaded, next day felt weird & that's when the headaches started. Went to multiple doctors, everything was fine except at the ENT they said I have tmj and really bad shoulder/back/neck pain that's apparently making me think I have sinuses and I'm getting migraines from the pain which I could believe.

The point I'm trying to make is I feel like I'm losing my mind and I know everyone feels that way and it's normal, but from the very beginning I was questioning words and where they came from and are they just made up and nothing means anything. I know these are just DP thoughts but it makes it seem so real. Like before DP my friend asked I wonder how they come up with names like where did chair come from but I said don't ask that you'll legit drive yourself crazy .... now I'm actually going crazy or feel it at least go figure lol.

I just feel like all these thoughts I'm having are real into my reality and that's what I don't want. I feel like that and the fact idk how we all got here besides from my mom's womb is how we did is why I don't wanna accept myself to come out of it and make progress for recovery. I just need advice on how to cope. Also idk if anyone here has ever taken any nasal spray or anything but mommy nose has been killing me and the doctor doesn't think I have anything wrong wtf :/

Ok hadda vent thanks guys :) please somebody anybody get back to me
 

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Hi Krisstenn,

The reason you have these thoughts (like me) is because the anxious mind has 0 tolerance for the unknown amd unknowable. they are not unlike thoughts I had when i was well but DP makes it stick to your mind like glue and obsess over it.

Although it's not my main existential hangup I also dont like the question of origins. However, life is incredible, mysterious and intriguing, it always has been, and it is just DP that makes you look into the deepest mysteries of reality. Whatever the answer of our origins it is incredible and improbable

One thing that helps me through is by thinking wow. We are so lucky to be here in this place and time, and I see the questioning as just a higher funtion of the incredible supercomputer that is our brains. We are here to eat, love and chase our dreams. Everything else is just something to help us along the way.

The thoughts will stick with you for a while, maybe years. But they will subside in time, i promise
 
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