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Nothing is how it used to be. This DP has forever change who I am, for better or worse.

I have gotten better, that I must admit. Whether I'm better at ignoring this condition and living in the now or if there are actual changes going on, whatever the case may be, I seem to 'manage'.

DP is the two sides of the coin. It is both master and slave. It has changed many negative things in me but it has also robbed me of my vivid senses and self. It has shown me another perspective of reality but has also dampened it.

It has motivated me to lead a better life and take better care of my body and mind but it has also given me depression, sadness and a paper-thin perception of both people and objects.

It's as if in my previous life I met with God or my higher self and gave me two options:

1. I will one day become enlighten but I will face many tribulations, one of them will be the dissolution of what I consider pleasures of life and being me. My mind will advance to a stage where it will question everything (have, since i was like 8 )

I (soul) must have liked the idea of enlightenment and chose this scenario to play out because of the reward in the end.

OR

2. This is it. This is my last re-incarnation. I'm realizing the world, reality, the self, consciousness, existence and time and going through some serious maturation but one that comes with many hurdles and pain. I am an old soul and so my mind has a hard time containing my higher self and thus the 'ego' is fighting hard to stay alive, which is why I feel all of this.

Or I have epilepsy... -_-

Whatever the case, I've gotten better but I still wonder. I still wish for a blue pill. Let me forget this experience, let me go back to being naive. Let me go back at being me. The guy who just lived just to live. The guy with a crazy imagination but that didnt get frightne by them...
 

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It's as if in my previous life I met with God or my higher self and gave me two options:

1. I will one day become enlighten but I will face many tribulations, one of them will be the dissolution of what I consider pleasures of life and being me. My mind will advance to a stage where it will question everything (have, since i was like 8 )

I (soul) must have liked the idea of enlightenment and chose this scenario to play out because of the reward in the end.

OR

2. This is it. This is my last re-incarnation. I'm realizing the world, reality, the self, consciousness, existence and time and going through some serious maturation but one that comes with many hurdles and pain. I am an old soul and so my mind has a hard time containing my higher self and thus the 'ego' is fighting hard to stay alive, which is why I feel all of this.
There is no difference between 1) and 2).

If you get enlightened (fully, i.e. reach Unity Consciousness), this means it's your last re-incarnation.

This is what has happened to me.

After reading your post, I think this may be what happened between my last two lifetimes as well.

I was probably given this option as well.

So I just wanted to say that your sense is likely right on the money. It sounds right.

You will probably get enlightened in the next 5 years or so.

You don't want a blue pill. You gotta go through hell before you're capable of dropping your ego, but it's final liberation.

I think it's fairly easy to get enlightened if you have DP, since it's a special kind of suffering. There's not much left to lose.
 

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Such a precise description. I thought I am the only one feeling this way. Thank you.
I strongly hope this is only a temporarily suffering and we all will go out of it even stronger, happier and much wiser than we were before. Its like Shaun O'Connor wrote in his book, after recovery nothing bothers you as before: money, college, other problems seem an inevitable part of life's puzzle.
 

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I also having theories and philosophical answers to this condition, even they aren't scientific.

Maybe this is spiritual path, a path to truly discover your inner self. As I studied a buddhist philosophy a little it even get a serious theory.

But, DP is a suffering cause by truama, for others caused by weed or other drugs. It can't be enlightment. I wish it is, but probably isn't. We just flattering ourselves to make sense out of this terrible torment.
 

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I still wish for a blue pill. Let me forget this experience, let me go back to being naive. Let me go back at being me. The guy who just lived just to live. The guy with a crazy imagination but that didnt get frightne by them...
No way. I'd never go back.

Sure, it's a trade-off, but I see it as a good one. It's taken my mind to places I likely otherwise wouldn't have gone and shaped me into what I am today. Yes, the confusion and suffering has been arduous throughout the years, and still is, but it was/is a necessary process. I like this new, post-DR, version of myself much better than the old one. I'd rather be immensely aware and thoughtful yet suffering from DP/DR than healthy but more shallow and less aware.

Though, it's impossible to say how I would've developed if DP/DR hadn't been a factor; it's impossible to say just how big of an impact it has had on me. It's a relevant question because there's no guarantee that I wouldn't be virtually the same person even without ever having had DP/DR. Hence, it's possible, though unlikely, that I've suffered for nothing and that the developments I see as positive can't be attributed to DP/DR. I'm inclined to think of it all positively, but it's possible that my perspective is distorted by bias that stems from: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Effort_justification.

Anyway, I'm in harmony with my thoughts and this existence. Why be afraid? Becoming more contemplative and inquisitive hasn't led to any kind of fear for me. I don't see any reason to be afraid. Things are what they are regardless of what I think about them.

Bottom line: give me more red pills.
 

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I completely understand out of experience!

I've come to realize that the only reason you are feeling any particular way is because it is the underlying beliefs you've accumulated about life, throughout your whole life. So it pretty much comes from your subconscious beliefs about life. As it is proven life is only a reflection of what you believe to be true, and after a spiritual awakening, I think what happens is it erases all illusion you believed to be true and leaves you the begotten truth that leaves you disappointed.

i recommend watching this ted talk by Phil Borges

That speech just goes into depth from what goes on with this belief.

There is also some truth about your brain waves when indulging to much into spiritualism. If you heard about the analysis on monks brain, you realize that meditating and keeping a high frequency leaves your brain at around a gamma state which is around 40Hz. Which at a average level your brain should always remain at around 8-14Hz . Keeping the brain in such high frequency can cause delusion. It's always important to maintain at a homeostasis for all areas of your body to remain healthy.

If you want to learn a little more about frequencies, i have made a blog about it in regards to the schumann resonance. https://yourfullpotential7.wordpress.com/2019/02/12/the-schumann-resonance-collective-consciousness/

I hope this helps!
 
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