[livinginhell333]

why does it have to be this way. why don't i have emotions? why does it seem like i have no body? why are my senses diminished? why does everything seem fake? why can't i take in anything in life? why do i feel so dead and like a ghost? why can't i get out of this? why can't i feel things when i hold touch, grab them, but am still able to function although it feels like i don't have any hands or feet. don't understand.

i cannot wait to grab a basketball and actually feel it in my hands feel myself dribbling the ball and feel like i'm actually doing it and actually playing it. jesus when will this end. i seriously feel like nothing. i wish i knew how to get out of this. i feel like everything has been taken away from me. myself is gone, my personality, sense of humor, passion for things, excitement, energy, joy, feeling alive, its all gone. one cannot live like this for most of their lives. it would be really really horrible. i don't know how people go through this for 10-20 years. its been about a year for me and i can't stand much of it anymore. i want my life back. i want to seem normal, i want things around me to seem normal. i want to enjoy things that i used to enjoy. i want a lot of things but i can't get them. why do simple things seem hard to do and are uncomfortable, like doing anything that involves my body seeing as i don't feel my body.

i want to do things normal people do. go to school work, hang out and enjoy it, workout play ball, have a gf maybe, those kind of things. go to concerts and sporting events. things i used to do.

i feel no physical pain at all. like if someone stepped on my foot it wouldn't hurt. someone squeezing my hand wouldn't hurt. i might feel it a little, but it wouldn't hurt. someone hitting or punching me does nothing. like how can i play basketball when i can't feel my body. you need to have full control of your body to play basketball. i don't get this. i wonder if i will ever enjoy life again.

 

[Kelson12]

Man, reading your post is pretty much me to the "T'. I play basketball as well, but don't enjoy it for shit, because I just don't feel it. I don't feel my body at all. I just feel so drained and so ready to give up. Tired of pushing through life just to live it cause I have to. It's just so unfair. NO ONE should have to live this way.

I enjoy nothing. Nothing at all. Yes, I work, go to school, exercise, etc...I don't care about any of it. I just I have NO emotions. Basically I'm a zombie going through each day just to get to the point where I can go to bed at night. I have many friends, but no girlfriend because I have no desire to find one when I feel like this. Plus, who would want to date a zombie who isn't even connected to themselves let alone another person.

I'm just getting to the point of wanting to just give up. I've been seriously dealing with this for 4-5 years on the severe end of things, but basically have been like this most of my life and I hate it.

Anyways, I know what you are going through and I really don't know what to say except, you are not alone. You are not alone.

Kelson

 

[livinginhell333]

thx btw that chamillionaire is pretty sick. his album comes out soon. should be good. he's better than most rappers from the south.

 

[Kelson12]

Yea...he's pretty ill. You real into rap? If so, you should check out my boy LordWillin's music. He used to post on this site and suffers from some depression, etc.

http://www.myspace.com/lordwillin401

His stuff is real ill and not on that MTV "pop-rap" shit. He talks about real life stuff. You should check him out.

 

[orangeaid]

Grand Buffet

hipity hop

I hope you get better makes me sad to hear about this, BUT i knwo your gonna get better. Just this stupid pos called time