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Why Isn't Everyone Else in the World Like This?

1049 Views 6 Replies 3 Participants Last post by  PerfectFifth
Hey everyone. It's been a few years since I've been on.

My depersonalization started when I was about six years old and thinking about God and infinity in the car on the way home from my Aunt's house.

It got worse over the years. I find it really strange that the rest of the world isn't terrified by existence, infinity, God, etc. It's like "normal people" were born with some kind of coping mechanism to deal with this. Or, I used to wonder if those of us with this had some kind of awareness others don't have...

Either way, I'm embarrassed to say how many years I've been dealing with this. I'm now extremely agoraphobic and just want to know how to make this go away. And the acceptance crap doesn't work.. Or I am somehow doing it wrong.

Zoloft helps my anxiety. Xanax/Klonopin help with my panic attacks. But the depersonalization is always lingering except maybe sometimes when I'm drunk.

I was debating whether or not to check into a mental hospital November/December. Things got so bad. Things are still bad, but at least I'm not fighting the urge to just take off running. Fight or flight for sure.. And it's exhausting..
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When you forced yourself out did you have panic attacks? I enrolled in a class that started last Monday night. I didn't go. I'm supposed to go tomorrow night. I'm terrified. It's only 13 miles. I think I'm going to have a nervous breakdown and end up in the hospital. I get panic attacks so bad that my fingers and hands start going numb (because of hyperventilation I'm told). This happened just sitting at home two months ago and now I'm going to go drive an unfamiliar route to go sit in a class full of people. I wanted to go practice the drive and see where the classroom is but I couldn't even bring myself to do that...
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