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Why I Want to Leave

413 Views 1 Reply 2 Participants Last post by  Diamondarmorboy
I don't know for how long this has been going on for. I don't know if it started because of stress, because of hormones, because of my mental development; I just don't know. My first derealisation episode occurred sometime early last year. Maybe it was a brain signal that triggered my mind to fully escape my body and enter the lonely consciousness that exists beyond my physical state. Maybe it was a great amount of stress I was forced to undergo in these past 12 months. I don't know what I did to deserve the thoughts that eat away at my body day by day, worsening as quickly as new ones come in. The very same mind giving me life, making me an individual, carrying my soul, is the same one telling me to end my life to test if the world surrounding me is really there. If everyone was put onto the planet we call Earth, would mine be the punishment of living the life that is so fabricated? None of the decisions I've made in my life were mine. Not a single person I've meet was by coincidence. No single event in my life has occurred based off of my actions. It's all been planned out for me, as if I'm being forced to follow a path labeled as my destiny. Am I the only one that feels like I'm slowly decaying; being ripped out of my own world, out of my thoughts, out of the life I loath and love? I am not a real person. Just how far will this mental curse push me beyond my limits. -commiekill
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Hey I know how you feel. Your mind plays tricks on you when your are anxious. Let me tell you that derealisation I think is easier than depersonalisation. It’s sucks but it’s easier because it is literally just still have yourself and your thoughts and your memories so you are good. I know it’s hard to tell yourself that it is just anxiety because the thoughts overtake your reasoning but remember that at one point you were fine. At one point you were happy. At one point the world was real and things were beautiful. It’s truly just anxiety. Believe me. I wish I would have believed people when they said it was just anxiety and that I need to relax and not creat more anxiety which can lead to even bigger problems. Your brain is in an anxious state and it feels like it’s in danger so it’s putting some space between you and the world. It’s okay. You are okay. You will be okay. Relax and keep relaxing every single day. Don’t try to reason with those thoughts or give them attention at all. You are in control. This will probably take a few months or maybe a year to get over. That’s okay. Just keep relaxing every single day and soon you’ll get better and better about ignoring those pesky thoughts. Your body will reach homeostasis again and your brain will finally stop activating the amygdala in your brain.
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