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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
i picked up a book today which my sister had left in the garage,i wont tell you the title as it sounds a bit girly...anyway i read in this book alot of things i knew already but heres why i think us single dpers will never find a partner..
some of you will have obviously met your partner before dp,some might have known your current partner before dp started...but some like me will remain single and heres why (this is just my answers to the questions)
and lets face it these facts are on the ball

1/eye contact is important-as a dper i find eye contact impossible,if damright uncomfortable and this shows a lack of interest on my behalf

2/once conversation has started make eye contact last longer-almost the same as above,if i look at someone too long i feel even more dped,and i question if im staring

3/think loving thoughts while chatting-impossible i only think about how im feeling,sounds selfish but seeing anothers point of view is impossible

4/force negative thoughts out of mind-fuckin impossible

5/look at potential partner and smile,she or he will look away even if they like you,if they look back at you within a minute smile again and nod ,thus showing them your interested-again i dont like to look at women for too long as i always think that i might come across as sleazy

6/when striking up a conversation always talk possitively-yet again impossible when i dont actually feel possitive

7/talk face on with arms open and never turn sideways as it will give the impression yet again that your not interested-the anxiety i feel when talking to ANYONE makes me always stand sideways as though im trying to get away as quickly as possible

8/dont give out too much personal information early on in the date-so when she asks me what ive been upto in the last year what the hell am i meant to say thats stimulating!

9/the top question that always arises is what do you do for work,and when potential partner asks this question always be enthusiatic about what you do-im currently on sickness benefit love,im also seeing a psycologist,i suffer from panic attacks and anxiety,ive no money,i dont go out much,and i moan on a website forum on a daily basis

and as you can see im officially DOOMED !
 

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Dude, when you find somebody you won't have to worry...if they're a good person they will go at your pace. I've dated lots of people in the past few years. In fact I'm burnt out on longterm relationships from ONE very involved one!...!
 
G

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Throw out ALL those rules and abide only by this one:

ONLY RULE: You will not meet your future life partner in a bar.

grin,
J

p.s. take a class, attend a lecture, sign up for a nature hike, join a biking group, answer a damn singles ad...anything but continuing to look for a wife at the corner pub.
 
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I was single and DP'ed jc. Managed to get married twice. And as it happens, I DID meet my current wife in a bar. We both worked there.

Everybody's screwed up in their own way. DP/anxiety just happens to be your way. Of all the challenges I've had because of DP - finding dates has not been one.

And if you promise not to tell anybody..........if you can find yourself a woman is also DP - you've pretty much got it made.
 

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I agree jc. Throw the rules out. You'll find someone that will love your for YOU. Nobody's perfect. We all have our quirks and flaws and nobody expects you to be perfect. By the way, I'm single too so I kinda know how you feel about how are we supposed to meet someone in the midst of all this anxiety/dp. But I think it can happen if it's the right person.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
people have been telling me for years i will find the right girl,but apart from the occasional short term fling its just not happening
 
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i disagree JC, maaaaaaan i love females. Although im not in a relationship right now, i know eventually i will be, i think if i meet the right girl it could possibly be one of the things that helps me to get better. Everybody needs somebody, and don't give up after one person because theres many many fish in the sea. College Starts on Tuesday & best believe im gonna be on the look out for all of the fine females that may come my way.

everybody needs love
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
its good that your nervous system hasnt crumbled enough to turn you into a social leper such as myself...seriously i just feel so much anxiety when i go out without my few cans of beer
 

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When you turn out the light -- I've got to hand it to me
Looks like it's me and you again tonight Rosie
Jackson Browne
 

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When you turn out the light -- I've got to hand it to me
Looks like it's me and you again tonight Rosie
Jackson Browne
 

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jc, wasn't you once umming and aahing about going to visit a girl you met on the internet? But you didn't cause you were worried your illness meant you'd make a fool of yourself? Maybe it's oppurtunities like that you shouldn't waste (and I should know for obvious reasons). Yeah, the whole meeting a girl face to face and trying to build things up thing is daunting...not just to people with DP, but to a lot of 'normal' people too. I was the same...for me it was nothing to do with shyness or anxiety, it was just that emotional numbing, diminished sexual desire and general can't be botheredness.
lPerhaps you would do well to get to know someone from a distance first like you did with this last girl, so you can tell her your anxieties in advance. If she goes cold cause of it, then she probably won't be 'the one' anyway. But if she tells you she understands and can put up with your problems, then you can take things gradually step by step. May well turn out you'll meet and not click, but nothing ventured nothing gained.

Do you still talk to that girl?

g
 

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jc, wasn't you once umming and aahing about going to visit a girl you met on the internet? But you didn't cause you were worried your illness meant you'd make a fool of yourself? Maybe it's oppurtunities like that you shouldn't waste (and I should know for obvious reasons). Yeah, the whole meeting a girl face to face and trying to build things up thing is daunting...not just to people with DP, but to a lot of 'normal' people too. I was the same...for me it was nothing to do with shyness or anxiety, it was just that emotional numbing, diminished sexual desire and general can't be botheredness.
lPerhaps you would do well to get to know someone from a distance first like you did with this last girl, so you can tell her your anxieties in advance. If she goes cold cause of it, then she probably won't be 'the one' anyway. But if she tells you she understands and can put up with your problems, then you can take things gradually step by step. May well turn out you'll meet and not click, but nothing ventured nothing gained.

Do you still talk to that girl?

g
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
i dont gavin because to be honest i realised she was too young for me,but if im chatting to a girl or even a bloke they dont want to hear about my problems,its easy to say dont talk about them but first question is 'why are you off sick' and then i have to tell them
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
i dont gavin because to be honest i realised she was too young for me,but if im chatting to a girl or even a bloke they dont want to hear about my problems,its easy to say dont talk about them but first question is 'why are you off sick' and then i have to tell them
 

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Reasons I'm doomed (at least in the short term):

1) can't make emotional connections like I used to

2) I would feel selfish because I guess I'm pretty messed up and having to put someone else through that would seem selfish to me. It's bad enough having my family worried.

3) no money (unless I find some trust fund baby) Ladies-I hate to say it, but with most girls I know, there are not many who would go for someone us unstable as myself.
 

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Reasons I'm doomed (at least in the short term):

1) can't make emotional connections like I used to

2) I would feel selfish because I guess I'm pretty messed up and having to put someone else through that would seem selfish to me. It's bad enough having my family worried.

3) no money (unless I find some trust fund baby) Ladies-I hate to say it, but with most girls I know, there are not many who would go for someone us unstable as myself.
 

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GD it Janine..

The first "rule" made me relieved b/c I met that one dude in a bar so I was like "ok it was screwed anyway"

Then you said it was ok if you were under 25.

>:--(

:p
 

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GD it Janine..

The first "rule" made me relieved b/c I met that one dude in a bar so I was like "ok it was screwed anyway"

Then you said it was ok if you were under 25.

>:--(

:p
 
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