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I'd say try to live your life as best you can. Enjoy the simple things in life. This can be done with DP/DR. Why have I not recovered yet? Because I did the opposite of all the advice from those who recover whom say to just try to forget about it, distract oneself and live life as you normally would. Instead, I've been determined to "figure it out".
I'd say I did the same, TOF.

Whether it was defensive narcissism: "I have an elite condition that will take advanced medical knowledge to resolve."
PTSD: "This is a hurricane I've no control over. It's dangerous not to think about it all the time"
Sheer bloody-minded stubbornness: "I will figure this out. There's a magic key, I just need to think about it more"
Pure O, OCD: "I can't let this go. Let's go over this one more time."
 

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I don't know why I didn't recover so far because I don't really know what it is that is going to help me eventually, if I do recover. I know some things I have tried and that didn't work, and some other things that seemed to help on the very short term or very lightly but I could not find anything very helpful when digging in those directions. Perhaps like other people, I have had several theories of what I should do to recover and believed more or less in them and eventually got disapointed, all the more that I had put excited hopes in them. I do have a general sense of hope, but now I work on my recovery more on the long term and I try not to get too excited and not to trick myself.
I agree with Coolwhip27 and Chip1021 that sometimes I felt like thinking about recovery was another way for me to focus on a future project to not be present. Sometimes having lots of hopes projects me too much in the future, and I end up actually being more derealized, and just "thinking" about imminent recovery.
 

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Discussion Starter · #24 ·
i just have one goal for work. never ever visiting this forum again. every second i do commit for dpdr, i need to use for other shit. just like normal people. do i have problems with my vision? fuck it i can still see what i need to see. dont i get an unbearable pleasure from watching a movie? fuck it, it was interesting enough that i watched it till the end. dont i get the pleasure from food as i was used to? fuck it still tastes good. dont i feel connected to my voice? fuck it man i still know that it is my voice. the fighting is totally useless. all the time i have spent for dpdr didnt give me anything except useless knowledge what didnt give me any benefit either. i need to erase this from my head and this can just be achieved by true and honest acceptance. only then the mind can start do work different.
 

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i just have one goal for work. never ever visiting this forum again. every second i do commit for dpdr, i need to use for other shit. just like normal people. do i have problems with my vision? fuck it i can still see what i need to see. dont i get an unbearable pleasure from watching a movie? fuck it, it was interesting enough that i watched it till the end. dont i get the pleasure from food as i was used to? fuck it still tastes good. dont i feel connected to my voice? fuck it man i still know that it is my voice. the fighting is totally useless. all the time i have spent for dpdr didnt give me anything except useless knowledge what didnt give me any benefit either. i need to erase this from my head and this can just be achieved by true and honest acceptance. only then the mind can start do work different.
To be fair I don’t think coming to this site and experiencing harsh dp have to be correlating. Maybe you’re making it tougher on yourself by trying to set rules. You’re doing what a lot of smokers do (myself included), promising themselves they won’t do it tomorrow. This is just creating more conflict. In this case I don’t think coming to the forum actually hurts you, you’re fighting against an idea.

Edit; if you think the site has become an intrusive thought for you then it will look like it is, same goes for anything else though. The actual action of coming to this site and sharing stuff/getting shit off your chest doesn’t have to be bad. Unless you treat it like it is
 

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But I should answer the question this post was made about…
As far as depersonalization, I’m very speculative towards it being like a line in the sand now. It seems like there’s varying degrees, but they all look like a lack of sensitivity to our surroundings and ourselves. So, when asked why can’t I recover, I’m kind of confused. I just know when I’m suffering and when I’m not. For a lot of us, with chronic depersonalization is chronic overthinking. But I haven’t stopped suffering off and on, suffering for no real reason other than confusion. It’s like I’m holding a bat with multiple baseballs coming at me but I’m frozen, not being able to swing at one. That’s what it feels like. My life looks like wasted potential and so does myself. The true answer is, if I knew why I can’t recover, I’d be recovered by now. Wouldn’t we all? Isn’t that obvious? If I’m forever anxious to feel good again, I’ll never get better. That’s all I know

But surely keep in mind, that recovery is not an answer. It’s an experience. So searching for an answer is the wrong approach altogether.
 

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surfingisfun001, thoughtonfire, mayer-gross, phantasm, chip1021, trith and others

why cant you recover? was it always impossible for you?
I think you've misplaced your concept of recovered persons. I'd say the vast vast majority of people who have come and gone from this forum... never recovered. I know many of them who haven't posted for years. Look, the major bulk membership of this forum were teenage trolls with DP/DR who ran out the legit members looking for help... yearsss ago. None of them ever fucking recovered, not the trolls, not the decent humans. So... I don't like that you called out 6 of us still "active" here.
 

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Discussion Starter · #29 ·
I think you've misplaced your concept of recovered persons. I'd say the vast vast majority of people who have come and gone from this forum... never recovered. I know many of them who haven't posted for years. Look, the major bulk membership of this forum were teenage trolls with DP/DR who ran out the legit members looking for help... yearsss ago. None of them ever fucking recovered, not the trolls, not the decent humans. So... I don't like that you called out 6 of us still "active" here.
okay buddy i wont recover, i promise you. i will suffer with you just because you all feel better when others dont recover.
 
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