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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
surfingisfun001, thoughtonfire, mayer-gross, phantasm, chip1021, trith and others

why cant you recover? was it always impossible for you?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·

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I actually did have weed induced dissociation the second time I smoked pot. Lasted 10-15 minutes. Then I smoked marijuana for 2 years multiple times most days. What I have now is different than that, I can compare retrospectively. Imho most here have their own versions of dp/dr. No two are totally alike it seems.
 
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I actually did have weed induced dissociation the second time I smoked pot. Lasted 10-15 minutes. Then I smoked marijuana for 2 years multiple times most days. What I have now is different than that, I can compare retrospectively. Imho most here have their own versions of dp/dr. No two are totally alike it seems.
I agree, because my dp experience at first was different and was after a bad trip of marijuana. I had this very specific intrusive thought which bothered me, now it seems intrusive thoughts can be about almost anything. I’m curious as to what your experience is like exactly. Because from what I’ve heard, yours is very similar to mine.

I also still smoke these days
 

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Oh, no I don't smoke. It's been since 2006 that I've smoked. Been contact high a handful of times since then though. After dissociation started weed would give me the worst trips ever.
 

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Oh, no I don't smoke. It's been since 2006 that I've smoked. Been contact high a handful of times since then though. After dissociation started weed would give me the worst trips ever.
So why is that I have a depersonalization that isn’t so intense? I don’t experience bad scary highs. It feels like I’m passed the super dark phase. Before, it was intrusive thoughts which would send me into a spiral, now it’s just... emptiness?
 

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idk we're all different. Lots I've read here have bad experiences with weed, especially relapsing into dissociation. Some people it helps to smoke.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
so in the end no one on this thread seems to recover. i dont wanna have this fuckshit 20 more years man. it is so fucking sad that i recovered once and then relapsed. so it fucked me literally in my asshole
 

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Why can’t I recover? In great part, because I have no friggin clue what I’m even dealing with. I don’t know what “normal” is supposed to feel like (though I do remember “better,” which basically means functional and not completely totally damaged). But I don’t have any idea what the problem is, or even what it is that “normal” people experience that makes life feel intrinsically meaningful, spontaneous, and joyful. It’s strange to me when people say things like “I’ve never been depressed or anxious” or “I can’t understand why anybody would think about ending their life, it’s such a precious gift!” I’ve always been super existential, and not very hedonistic, in how I interpret myself and life. I’ve questioned the value of life since I was a kid. I just thought I would figure it out like all the other adults I knew did, and eventually feel comfortable and confident in my own skin. I don’t really know how to think any different, nor do I know if this issue is really about my thinking habits or if there is some underlying structural problem.

it’s kind of difficult to seek sustained solutions to a problem when your “thinking apparatus” itself seems to be grossly impaired. I frequently fantasize about going under for surgery for some bodily problem, then when I wake up from it, just feeling that “normal” that everyone else seems to feel. Absent some simplistic organic explanation and treatment, I don’t really see myself ever recovering. The best I can hope for is to find some way to live with it and perhaps even learn to enjoy the aspects of DPDR that aren’t horrendously wicked.
 

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I'd say try to live your life as best you can. Enjoy the simple things in life. This can be done with DP/DR. Why have I not recovered yet? Because I did the opposite of all the advice from those who recover whom say to just try to forget about it, distract oneself and live life as you normally would. Instead, I've been determined to "figure it out".
 

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Why can’t I recover? In great part, because I have no friggin clue what I’m even dealing with. I don’t know what “normal” is supposed to feel like (though I do remember “better,” which basically means functional and not completely totally damaged). But I don’t have any idea what the problem is, or even what it is that “normal” people experience that makes life feel intrinsically meaningful, spontaneous, and joyful. It’s strange to me when people say things like “I’ve never been depressed or anxious” or “I can’t understand why anybody would think about ending their life, it’s such a precious gift!” I’ve always been super existential, and not very hedonistic, in how I interpret myself and life. I’ve questioned the value of life since I was a kid. I just thought I would figure it out like all the other adults I knew did, and eventually feel comfortable and confident in my own skin. I don’t really know how to think any different, nor do I know if this issue is really about my thinking habits or if there is some underlying structural problem.

it’s kind of difficult to seek sustained solutions to a problem when your “thinking apparatus” itself seems to be grossly impaired. I frequently fantasize about going under for surgery for some bodily problem, then when I wake up from it, just feeling that “normal” that everyone else seems to feel. Absent some simplistic organic explanation and treatment, I don’t really see myself ever recovering. The best I can hope for is to find some way to live with it and perhaps even learn to enjoy the aspects of DPDR that aren’t horrendously wicked.
I don’t think any of us should approach it this way though. As if recovery is on the other side of a river, and we are on the shitty side. I think that the reality of all this is flipped on its side. Our minds are full of desires, and all of us on this forum are always thinking of “recovery” as a means to an end. If we achieve recovery we are forever free. But think about this for a second PLEASE. Thought is telling us what to do. If our minds really were empty, all desires and attachments would be gone, and theres no search for recovery. I’m telling you right now, depersonalized or not, you’d be much happier. This isn’t the same as death. But it means awareness would be there without thought.
 

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I'd say try to live your life as best you can. Enjoy the simple things in life. This can be done with DP/DR. Why have I not recovered yet? Because I did the opposite of all the advice from those who recover whom say to just try to forget about it, distract oneself and live life as you normally would. Instead, I've been determined to "figure it out".
When you do, you’ll see the fact that your mind already has. There’s nothing beyond yourself to discover is what I’m saying. Nothing.
 

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I don’t think any of us should approach it this way though. As if recovery is on the other side of a river, and we are on the shitty side. I think that the reality of all this is flipped on its side. Our minds are full of desires, and all of us on this forum are always thinking of “recovery” as a means to an end. If we achieve recovery we are forever free. But think about this for a second PLEASE. Thought is telling us what to do. If our minds really were empty, all desires and attachments would be gone, and theres no search for recovery. I’m telling you right now, depersonalized or not, you’d be much happier. This isn’t the same as death. But it means awareness would be there without thought.
I really really want to “like” your response, but I’m afraid I am unable to do so as I’m not sure I entirely understand what you are trying to say here, lol.

I do agree with your idea that we should not be looking at it as if “recovery” is the goal we are striving for. I have no qualms with “liking” that part.
 

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I really really want to “like” your response, but I’m afraid I am unable to do so as I’m not sure I entirely understand what you are trying to say here, lol.

I do agree with your idea that we should not be looking at it as if “recovery” is the goal we are striving for. I have no qualms with “liking” that part.
It’s hard to describe but it’s definitely not rocket science. Think of how you feel about “what is” when you’re struggling. “What is” means the totality of your experience in the current moment. Isn’t there a division, between what is and what should be, when there’s conflict? While acceptance of what is, is the opposite. But I’m definitely not saying that all you have to do is think of these words. It’s not the words. No, you have to look inwardly. Don’t just analyze outwardly. Everything we analyze is us. The observer is the observed. Meaning that everything we perceive is what we are. If you see that very clearly then there’s no division, no conflict.
 

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It’s hard to describe but it’s definitely not rocket science. Think of how you feel about “what is” when you’re struggling. “What is” means the totality of your experience in the current moment. Isn’t there a division, between what is and what should be, when there’s conflict? While acceptance of what is, is the opposite. But I’m definitely not saying that all you have to do is think of these words. It’s not the words. No, you have to look inwardly. Don’t just analyze outwardly. Everything we analyze is us. The observer is the observed. Meaning that everything we perceive is what we are. If you see that very clearly then there’s no division, no conflict.
No that makes perfect sense. I just wasn’t sure what you were trying to say in the above post because the language you were using felt a bit too new-agey for my tastes. I’ve also noticed that people on this forum (and everywhere in mental health circles) have a strong tendency to literalize their metaphors, and I wasn’t sure if thats what you were doing or not.
 
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