Sojourner said:
I want to live so that when it is time for me to die, I can say with Christ, "Lord, into your hands I commend my spirit." But I don't want to say with Christ, "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" I want to be more like Christ and less like myself, or rather, I want to become more like Christ, but I am a selfish, miserable beast.
This was beautifully, and very humanly said. Please pardon the rant i'm about to enter into...it doesn't necessarily have to do with you, and i'm included in those i indict in this:
Why do people constantly attempt to conceive of that which they cannot. I always (and by "always" i mean virtually every week) hear arguments as to why God would or wouldn't have done this or that if he were "real"...i had someone quite close to me actually basing their atheistic argument on the fact that humans had the capicity to produce waste (and i do mean the biological kind). These arguments are inherently specious in the sense that if one assumes that God does exist, the entire opposing argument, with it's reliance on terrestrial tangibles, is doomed to be moot. You can't say, "Oh, if God existed he wouldn't have made us do something so silly looking as taking a crap." Who are these people to presume to know what God would or would not do?
Granted, my argument is entirely convenient for my own postulation. But here's the thing. I don't mind debating the existence of God. I think it should be open to debate. People always chiming in with their "But it's a matter of faith!" jingles seem to think that that's a kind of vampire's crucifix which can stop any debater in their path. It shouldn't be that way. Believe in God. But tell me why you do.
Anyway, back to my point. If you want to argue about the existence of God (please note that in this entire missive i'm using "You" as a hypothetical pronoun, and not directing it to Sojourner....please also note that i've had at least 1.5 litres of wine tonight and am listening to Billy Idol of all people, as i write this...so if it's a little nonsensical, my apologies)...if you want to argue the existence of God, by all means do so, but you have to realize that if God does exist any arguments you make outside the realm of metaphysical science are rendered moot by the fact that i could always counter-argue that that's the way that He wanted it to be. I mean that seriously, you know. It's like this...OK, i'm going to give you an analogy...
You're in a room. You wake up. You look around. Empty. God almighty, where are you? You're in an empty room and you're all alone. And you're crying. Yes, that's right. Crying. You're a mere 5 mins. old. Too young to vote but too old to claim asylum in the womb. And you're crying like a little sissy-boy. How did you get there? Who knows? Who cares? Well, you do, but you soon become accustomed to your dark grey walls, your deep brooding silences, your absence of everything that we, in our world today, take for granted. Your days pass by without word...without contact...without light.
Day after day after day. You aren't so much miserable as you are confused. You see, you have no real reference point. You were spat out of some womb or another into this grey bleak world and you're sitting around checking out the crevices in the flooring, listening to your echo spatter against the walls, wondering what the hell you're going to do with the rest of your time there (which you assume will be forever since you have no conception of death, you being the only one there).
Suddenly, without warning, the top of the roof of the room is pulled off and there are a bunch of self-confident glowering scientists hovering over you. The sky is peeled back and your world is blown to shreds. All those ideas about religion, God, eternity, life, death, are blown out the window. Or whatever constitutes a window in this life and age that you live in. You've been illuminated. You have seen the light.
Bottom line and overall point is this: Question, wonder, and sceptically muse. But don't presume to know. For you can't. No one can. If we could, we'd be Gods. And if we were, i can guarantee you this....we wouldn't be taking craps all over the place.
Anyway, i guess this is a little off-topic. I was compelled to write something because i thought Sojourner's plight sounded similar to my own. Don't worry, my friend...the light is just 300,000 km./s away. I just thought that up. Damn, i'm clever. No but really, sorry if this isn't any help...i know what you mean...know what you're going through. Faith is exceedingly difficult with a disease such as this. But you'll find it again. You really will. It's incredible how things change.
s.
