[Minners19]

Hey there!! So I just recently came back to this site after being gone for awhile and something came to me as I was reading others' post's. As a recovered sufferer of DP I remember one of the worst things about it was feeling like, WHO AM I? I feel like my personality is GONE! Poof! :shock: It was gone. But just an observation as recoverer know looking in, EVERY SINGLE ONE of you HAS your own unique personality and really and truely shows in many ways. By the Icon you choose, the quote's you have in your signature's, your choice of smiley's ;-) Everything. And it came to me, mine/your personality and your sense of self is still there, its just taking a nap. :lol: And it will again someday feel like you again. There will come a day when you feel like you know yourself again, and you will be a better person because of what you are going through! You will start to appreciate your own uniqueness and who you are. I think what we go through is maybe a gift, we are all very smart, creative, thoughtful, caring people, which is why this is SO hard. But give it some time. After the worst is over, you come out knowing so much more about yourself and just life in general. You REALLY appreciate the Good times, and the bad times, you can deal with, no problem, cause you've been through the worst, and there are few things worse then this and anything else, well, is a breeze! You are in there, its just a stronger person is evolving!!! God Bless you guys! And Kisses!!

 

[gem]

I can honestly say that this is one gift I would like to not accept. I do believe it is one of those gifts that keeps on giving even if you do not want it to. Everyone loves a gift but I think it would fair to say not this one.

gem.

 

[SillyPutty]

 

[Minners19]

Trust me, I KNOW it doesn't feel like one now, but really, you will see. I can't tell you how in the DEPTHS I was. Its been about 4 years since the dreadfull day I 'snapped', but I remember those days very well. I think what finally happens and you just have to have some faith and patience, is that your brain FINALLY just gets sick and tired of monitoring EVERYTHING and chills out. Sometimes I feel those old feelings and thoughts start to creep back in, but my brain just says "no way, not goin there, just TOO exhausting to start that again!" :wink: Ben gave some great advice, which was to try and get out of your head and maybe meet people, work out, find a new hobby, trust me, you will come back to you! And when you do, you will appreciate who you are SO MUCH more then you ever did because you have been through and worked so much. If there is anything else I can say, is believe me, I KNOW, and it does get better!!

 

[Ben]

I would say, on some level, the disorder has been a kind of gift to me. I'm going out a limb here by doing this, but we're all friends so I guess it's okay. Here is some writing a while ago I made, shortly after a bad DP attack; it was during a light sprinkle.

When I'm in the depths of this thing, I seem to write somewhat expressively - sometimes I think it has given me a view on the world I never would have had before:

Yea as I sit and absorb the nature that is about me I feel connected to the world that has been my mother for ever so long. The rain tickles the grasslings and underbrush as it is swept along the current of wind which breaths life into every moment I experience; and I feel the calm sweep of time passing by me like silk drapery against a moonlit window on a warm summer's eve. The air so fresh, and the experience so soothing, only a creature of the here and now could experience, a creature known as human.

In front there stands a tree, with its long reaches of sun catchers yearning for the morning to breach the horizon and spill its glory across the rooftops. It has no doubt been here for many years, perhaps even knowing a time before these buildings and structures we know as homes surrounded it. Perhaps its view on the world, much different than ours, is one of a slower, more vast existence; realizing the importance of existence from an angle, different from the personal side, instead firmly seated in the survival of its kind and beautification of that which we call nature. Still we pass it by and fail to see the depths of life hidden within its still roots. For here we find the delicate ballet of existence playing about through each and every interaction of each and every particle to finally create the fluid-in-time structure I experience in front of me; a part of the world that flows on the river of time.

Looking past this object, I see the world of clouds lazily drift on by as if carried on some hidden force I cannot feel. It is distant, but it is real and here, and abides by that which I know as reailty; echoing the rules it has known since the beginning of time, and will continue to echo - through action - 'till the end of time. The streams of cloud slither by the moonlight that reaches forth every so often, racing into the ground beneath me to replay a quieter version of the daylight that struck these same points in space only hours before - less forceful, but with a dim, blue glow that carries one to a much more soothing moment, and makes them feel, suddenly, at peace with the world about me. The world carries on around me; it carries on within me; and it carries on without me.

 

[gem]

I appreciate what you are saying and I am happy that you are feeling better. I am a person who has worked so hard to get out of this painful illness. I think I have tried everything you could think of. I did amaze myself when I graduated with honours and I did ask myself how did I do it? How was I able to function as well as I did with this condition. I have focused on many things and I try hard to be with others and to keep busy. I function amazingly well. Sometimes I surprise myself. All that said I still do not see this as a gift. I see this as a very painful illness to be in. I know that someday we will all be well. For now it hurts and as someone who has lived this a long time it hurts alot. Every day though I tell myself okay try again get through this day and do your best. I believe now learning to live in it is my main focus, not to cure it just to be able to live in it. The day will come hopefully that I will be able to look back at this and say how did I ever do it?

gem.

 

[enngirl5]

I think about that all the time. How everyone here claims to have no "self", or have lost who they are, yet everyone has such distinct strong personalities. Everyone here is different. We all share this misery but we all have our own separate dreams and hopes and passions. This is actually a really good group of people dispite all our arguing and conflicts of interest. Also, on a side note, that's when I started getting better was when I finally just got sick of monitering myself 24/7. The dp gradually began fading. Now I just moniter myself about 50% of the time lol, and everytime I do my dp/dr starts coming back.