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where i am at.

1071 Views 6 Replies 1 Participant Last post by  gstile
if things cannot be exactly as i want them to be, i simply do not want them and that is the problem. i thought i was getting better but today i realize that i am not, i am just getting better at hiding it all.. i am just evolving, things are showing themselves in different ways. i think i have said this befor. when iwas eleven i had my first anxiety atack, i remember bouncing a white volley ball up and downthe side walk, the sun was really bright and i started to think what if life is just the same thing every day, you get up , go to work or school, come home, eat, do the same thing over again..and i actually had to sit down cause i thought was going to fall apart with the fear that life was going to be repetitive. now things are like this and sometimes i feel like i am going to fall apart. i feel detatched from the world.
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Hi Aminic,

It is hard to come to some of life's realizations. One is, of course, things cannot be exactly as we want them to be. If they were as I would like them to be, rude people would have to go and create their own "I am a RudeAss" site. But, alas, things are not exactly like we want them to be.

This disorder thrives on fear, fear that you have had since at least 11 years old. I empathize with your feeling of falling apart. It is a horrible feeling to have. Detachment is one of the hardest things to deal with, too.

I was wondering what you are doing now to work on fighting against these emotions and thoughts that bring you so much pain? It is unfortunate that there is not a simple answer to managing this disorder. It takes work, work and more work. Falling down and getting back up many times over.

Sorry to hear this is not the best of times for you.
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