if things cannot be exactly as i want them to be, i simply do not want them and that is the problem. i thought i was getting better but today i realize that i am not, i am just getting better at hiding it all.. i am just evolving, things are showing themselves in different ways. i think i have said this befor. when iwas eleven i had my first anxiety atack, i remember bouncing a white volley ball up and downthe side walk, the sun was really bright and i started to think what if life is just the same thing every day, you get up , go to work or school, come home, eat, do the same thing over again..and i actually had to sit down cause i thought was going to fall apart with the fear that life was going to be repetitive. now things are like this and sometimes i feel like i am going to fall apart. i feel detatched from the world.