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It's so funny, back then I didn't realize how shitty I was feeling, in only the third grade. My family used to always say how "smart" I was, especially my dad started calling me 'professor'. It made me over conscious of the decisions I made. I couldn't make bad decisions after people was calling me smart so often!

Not to mention, there were times I did have difficulty concentrating, it's like it hurted my pride or something. Damn. I just meant to share this with you guys, cuz it's just alarming at how young I was with those feelings.

Now I know I was missing love from parents

Jaw Felidae Organism Small to medium-sized cats Whiskers

Nov 10 2014 09:23 PM

I can so relate to that.

Hair Arm Eye Jaw Gesture

Nov 14 2014 06:37 PM

I had very conflicted feelings and experiences about being 'smart' and how well I did in school when I was young. (I put 'smart' in quotations just like you, in that I mean the label of being 'smart' regardless of whether or not I was.)

I think it was a double-edged sword (probably triple edged or more but I digress.) I think I saw doing well as one way of passing the approval test and thus not being criticized. At the same time, I also felt it set me apart somehow from other people, so it was also a source of shame. On top of that, I couldn't understand why I would feel ashamed at the idea of being 'smart', and took it as a sign of personal weakness.
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