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How you deal with this strange state where you feel nothing except confusion. I all the time think that now i failed. I cant hold myself together at all. Sometimes i just feel so angry and jealous. Sometimes so depressed. Sometimes i feel nothing. Im jumping these different states. But i feel no connection to myself or other world. Feeling like someone is moving me. Someone is putting these feelings inside of me. But i have no understanding no clearness. Everything is messy. Im living in my head and i dont know what is true and what is not. Everything here seems so radical. Like if i think one wrong thought i have ruined everything. One thought is my whole world. And then when i cant get out of that loop. It cretes me never ending suffering. I feel that im doing these same things over and over again. But at the same time i have no understanding what should i be doing. Im doing probably everything wrong that i cant never see the true relief. That always happens. Im sailing below my feelings. But sometimes i go there and thats hell. So im more so here. Where is only emptiness. Im probably just so messed up that im living these old realities and have anymore no idea where i should be and do. Its hard to figure out whats going on. When time has just gone so much that memory is gone. I think i try to get myself better but just failing. Many times i have thought that i never gonna make it. And suicide is only option. But somehow it always goes there where you just accept your suffering and start to get used to it. But then desperatly trying to find solutions which makes things messier. Then when this gets real bad i start to think those little mind processes and over think those little things which have no sense. Im maybe thinkin it will help me. I think i just grow bigger that first problem which made me go this down. Then i get lazy. And start to doubt and fall into bad depression. I just do nothing then. I dont know where i should focus. And will it then be better if i focus little bit in something else. But no it doesent give my life back. What even is life? How it feels to feel good. Does life even exist? Maybe i need stop trying. But even if i stop trying im still doing this what i dont want. I know this over thinking and thinking that i know something will make everything harder. It makes me blind to see whats really going on. But it takes so much effort. I just will never make it. What if i will never make it? Maybe i need to give up. But i dont even know what im giving up. I cant see anything.
 

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Identify/think what's stopping you from starting on your path to recovery. If you're spending all your day just thinking about your situation and nothing else then you must understand that alone is not going to help.
 

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I feel for you and I’m sorry ,.. you have to realize the feelings your experiences ARE COMMON. We have all had it! My dp made me suicidal too. My existential thoughts made me feel unrecoverable and like I was going to die. Our thoughts are warped because our sensations are warped and our brains are trying to make rational sense of it. EVERYTHINGS REAL YOUR INFORMATION STIMULI IS JUST ALTERED and it’s not processing right. Everything’s in front of you you just can’t feel it. Because at the end of the day everything is about feeling. If this has been induced , please know the more you act normal and go on with your life it’ll eventually go away. It rarely stays forever unless you were born with it and people usually born with it find better ways to cope. If your doing something you hate in life you’ll always keep dissociating. Treat yourself well. Have fun. Go somewhere beautiful. Ever heard of naxalone? I’ve heard it does wonders for dp dr. Maybe it has side effects but if this gets you to this point and you find yourself never getting better and at a witts end .. id give it a try.
 
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