G
Guest
·After visiting a sea front nightclub on Saturday, completely out of the blue, one of my school friends went missing. The police were informed by the guy's family early on Sunday, which was about the same time as a mystery corpse was washed up on a nearby shore.
Mass confusion, negative rumours and hysteria built up until about 2PM when my shaking Head of Year regretfully told of a phone call he had received from the police, confirming that the body was infact that of my friend's.
What followed next is pretty hard to describe. The room and everyone inside of it seemed dumbfounded and in a surreal state of disbelief. Immediately a girl to my left broke down in tears, utterly consumed in her grief. Most people around me turned pale, shocked by the grim reality of what happened, and what it meant. Silence ensued for about an hour afterwards, during which lessons were cancelled and were allowed to make our way home and grieve.
And despite having witnessed the most poignant things, I stood there in my DR haze, cold and apathetic as always. I spoke to Ben the night before his death over MSN, yet I do not feel or even yearn for his presence now. I feel almost compassionless, and the guilt is tearing me apart.
My friend once, now a statistic. He had so much going for him, and now all his dreams, smashed like an empty glass bottle. So close to completion, too - university next year, getting a job, family, and comfortable retirement after that. He's gone.
They suspect murder, and yet I do not even care. I focus on my condition, that is all. I wish I could at least simulate some form of emotion, but I can't. I pray that this terrible condition ends soon, because I can't live in this bleak, meaningless, horrible, desolate existance. If it wasn't for emotional obligation and my severe lack of vigor then I would be missing by now, too.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/south_west/4260754.stm
http://www.south-wales.police.uk/fe_new ... ewsid=1713
Mass confusion, negative rumours and hysteria built up until about 2PM when my shaking Head of Year regretfully told of a phone call he had received from the police, confirming that the body was infact that of my friend's.
What followed next is pretty hard to describe. The room and everyone inside of it seemed dumbfounded and in a surreal state of disbelief. Immediately a girl to my left broke down in tears, utterly consumed in her grief. Most people around me turned pale, shocked by the grim reality of what happened, and what it meant. Silence ensued for about an hour afterwards, during which lessons were cancelled and were allowed to make our way home and grieve.
And despite having witnessed the most poignant things, I stood there in my DR haze, cold and apathetic as always. I spoke to Ben the night before his death over MSN, yet I do not feel or even yearn for his presence now. I feel almost compassionless, and the guilt is tearing me apart.
My friend once, now a statistic. He had so much going for him, and now all his dreams, smashed like an empty glass bottle. So close to completion, too - university next year, getting a job, family, and comfortable retirement after that. He's gone.
They suspect murder, and yet I do not even care. I focus on my condition, that is all. I wish I could at least simulate some form of emotion, but I can't. I pray that this terrible condition ends soon, because I can't live in this bleak, meaningless, horrible, desolate existance. If it wasn't for emotional obligation and my severe lack of vigor then I would be missing by now, too.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/south_west/4260754.stm
http://www.south-wales.police.uk/fe_new ... ewsid=1713
I hope the police can figure out what happend and -if it is murder- who did it and bring the person to justice. Don't beat yourself up for not feeling the appropriate feelings about the death of your friend. Maybe it is the shock like Sebastian said, maybe it is 'only' your DP/DR. It is not your fault you cannot feel anything and you're in a haze. You loved your friend, he knew that and you have to deal with his tragic death in your own DP/DR way of life sadly instead of the conventional way of grieving.
