[peacedove]

I don't know what to do with myself. I think I'm starting to become obsessed with this board. I'm constantly checking for new posts and I can't even respond to most of them, cuz I'm not sure how to say what I want to say. And yet I keep logging on.

I've been pacing around all day trying to distract myself. My xanax wore off but I don't want to take another one even though I'm freaking out again. I tried to order Janine's books online but I got frustrated cuz they wanted to charge me a 20 dollar shipping fee. Dammit I want the books now. Why the fuck doesn't my store carry them.

My head is killing me and I feel like I'm gonna puke. Sorry for complaining so much. I guess I just don't know what else to do.

 

[Guest]

I've become obsessed with this board (and many others before).

When I start to freak out, the best thing for me to do (other than seeing my friends) is to walk or drive somewhere, just get moving and stop dwelling on my own situation. It's hard because message boards and other Internet activities truly are addictive for some people -- I'm one of them -- but sometimes you have to pry yourself away.

 

[university girl]

we all go through a stage where we check this board extrememly frequently. i went through it, so will you. the point is, you go THROUGH it. over time you will check it less and less often once you realize the same things are said over and over.

 

[wadey3]

but you may return in a semi induced coma and u r back to square one and that hurts, all those ways u thought u had moved on simply become a genuine, bona fida, pseudo laxative flushed down the pan and that is like oouch..........

 

[Guest]

I feel personally required to try to offer a little help here since my book ordering and the 20 dollar shipping charge added to your stress, grin. (sorry!)

First let me quote University Girl here:

we all go through a stage where we check this board extrememly frequently. i went through it, so will you. the point is, you go THROUGH it. over time you will check it less and less often once you realize the same things are said over and over.

That is truth, guys. There are NO answers that you don't already have. Part of the love/hate obsession with the board (or any "Answer Source" whether it's a doctor, or a person, or a board or a philosophy) is this: we hate our dependency on it. We are CONVINCED that one day there will suddenly appear the RIGHT answer, the SINGLE and PROFOUND TRUTH that will shock us back into feeling good again.

Therefore, we keep our dependency on that (illusion) Answer Source....refusing to face that there is NO single answer and nothing that we MUST learn/get before working towards changing.

There is nothing else you need to know. You've already heard it, learned it, seen it. Now comes the hard work. You need to take steps every day to build yourself back up into someone strong.....

one foot in front of the other....learning more about yourself in whatever way you choose (Therapy, groups, etc.) and learning to NOT self-monitor.

AND...learning to stop waiting for an answer or a solution.

Take care,
Janine

 

[gem]

peacedove, I do not believe you are obsessed with the board. I could be wrong it is just a thought, I think you come here because when we are afraid we look for comfort and we want to be around others who truly understand how we feel. This is a care place and everyone trys very hard to help each other, there is nothing wrong with wanting to come here and vent. When we are frightened we look for a place that can help make that fear go away. No man is an island so it has been said and I agree. There is nothing worse than having severe anxiety and fear and being alone. Sometimes it only takes one word of comfort to help another human being. I do not look at this place as a place where I feel I have to go, I look at this place as somewhere where I will not be put down or treated poorly. Everyone who suffers this illness knows how painful it can be and to reach out to help each other is to me is a gift in itself. Never have I ever thought this place to be somewhere where things are repeated over and over, I look at as a place where when fear strikes I can be apart of a healing group of people who really care. It is natural for anyone to reach out to a place where others know how you feel.

gem.

 

[peacedove]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I don't know if I'll be able to stop looking for answers though. I guess that would be part of the whole acceptance thing my therapist keeps talking about. I thought I was accepting, but I guess not.

Janine I caused my own stress by trying to get your books rush delivered. I shoulda told Borders to go ahead and order them for me when I was there like a month ago, but they said it would be a week and I was like forget it... I'm so impatient lately.

 

[LOSTONE]

That is truth, guys. There are NO answers that you don't already have. Part of the love/hate obsession with the board (or any "Answer Source" whether it's a doctor, or a person, or a board or a philosophy) is this: we hate our dependency on it. We are CONVINCED that one day there will suddenly appear the RIGHT answer, the SINGLE and PROFOUND TRUTH that will shock us back into feeling good again.

LOL :lol: Janine I was just thinking that I might find that SINGLE and PROFOUND TRUTH just as I started reading your post LOL.
I guess the SINGLE and PROFOUND TRUTH is that there is no single or profound truth.

Gem you touched my heart !
You described exactly how I feel about this board. I longed for 8 years, 8 long miserable years to find someone like myself, someone that would understand me and not judge me the way everyone else does.
When I found out about dp/dr and this board, I was brought to tears . I now feel addicted to this board because the people on this board are the only people I have felt connected to in 8 long years.
I come here every day and it is helping me to feel more normal, just to know I am not alone.
My mom just told me she is turning off the internet because she never uses it, this made me very sad because I am not working yet and I can't pay the bill. I hope I don't get cut off from this board after just finding it.
I will go MAD!

P.S. I love you all.

 

[gem]

Lostone, thank you for your kind words. I hope you are able to keep the internet. If this board is an addiction as described by some then I am truly very happy that my addiction is one that improves my life.

gem.