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So I have had dpdr for about two months this second time around and this time it's been more extreme than the last.I feel bad for even being on here because I know there are people who have had it for years. It started with not understanding where I'm at or who anyone really was including myself. I went to bed one night thinking it's just anxiety I'll wake up and be fine. Sadly that's not how it happened.

The first time it happened it would come and go but this time was different it won't leave. I've done allot of research I'm talking hours days weeks since it became full blown. I've learned allot about it what it is, why it happens, things to stop it. I've also read that many people stay with it for years which broke me into pieces. I started therapy with the thought that I'm literally going insane. I was questioning people and things even myself. Sadly I also learned therapy nor meds are an actual cure. Although I did learn mine came on due to trauma.

what I learned is dpdr is actually something you have to work hard to come over and it's actually just you and your mind that can cure it. Not A therapist or meds although depending on who you can be beneficial. Therapy may not be the cure but therapy can teach you things for coping and ways to deal with the intrusive thoughts. And meds can help with a possible coexisting issue.I myself deal with extreme anxiety and depression.

What I'm doing.

I don't have a sense of self so about a week ago I started writing down things I like favorite colors movies so on and so forth.instead of just running what I like quickly through my head a write down why I like those things when is the first time I may have realized I like those thing,and reasons why I stopped liking other things that I may have use to like.

The next thing I started doin is writing my thoughts.Even if they were scary or made me question reality,life etc the usual extistanal thoughts that dpdr has brought to my full attention.i sit in those thoughts as I write then why they don't make sense or why they may scare me once I started sitting in these thoughts and writing them down I give my self this few moments to question everything and then I leave them.I let then pass even if they scare me confronting my thoughts has brought me peace with myself that sometimes you really do just think of weird things.something you'll learn is all humans actually think crazy things but people like me suffering dpdr obsess over the strangeness of the thoughts.remember you are okay and very much normal.

Next thing I do is remind myself that I'm not insane I am here this is it doesn't work in a blink of an eye but it does make me feel better.i also talk to a friend and they confirm for me that I'm okay even if I think I'm going crazy.

Sadly dpdr has made me feel disconnected from people which I have found is normal that's what it does.I usually spend a good part of my day reminding myself who people and myself is.when it comes to this which I believe is part of the obsession we learn to have it's about changing your thoughts.for a moment you think I don't recognize these people or myself that comes to the first thing I said write it down face it and start learning you again.write down something new you learned about that friend or family member.get talking you do know those people you won't forget them but having a convo about who they are and what there lives are like outside of you can be interesting and keep you off the topic of dpdr.

If your like me and have health anxiety or in general fear this is something worse it's okay to go to the doctor.for me having that piece of paper that clears me from everything gives me reassurance that I am okay.I am just temporarily going through something that I may never fully understand but it's okay.

Another things I started doing was stop questioning right when I wake up.when I first opened my eyes my first thought was am I really here,where am I do I still feel this way,when will it end.think of something positive or keep your book next to you and write down that you are okay this is temporary.reminding myself constantly that I'm okay has become habit and actually helped me alot.yes I still have my days this is all new to has helped though

I started doing all of this about a week or so ago and I have been sticking to it I have had bouts of clarity and the clear moments seem to be coming more and more and staying longer my derealization has lifted about 60 percent mind you I just started doing these depersonalization is still around but I'm dealing not panicky I'm accepting what's going on.i learned fighting it can be more harm than good naturally your gonna wanna fight something that makes you uncomfortable. Yes it's gonna be a long road but starting to do these things had really helped me. I'm learning about myself and my fears and emotions that I didn't realize I had until writing them down and sitting with them. Yes it's scary but it's not here for that purpose. Take time to learn yourself again. Get close to someone even if it's a friend learn what this is together.

My mind detached and as scared as I was it's a very odd feeling but in a sense a good thing if you take time to turn the negative into the positive you'll learn who you are now. I know it sounds bad and you may be scared that you won't be the you that you were before this I know I was the fact is you won't be take it in be mad cry about it but understands the you that you'll be after this is over is gonna be a more intelligent person a person that won't let just anything cause you damage mentally you'll learn your worth you'll learn what is good for you and what's not.i lost alot of people dealing with this the first and second time but I realized those people weren't what I needed I'm growing into a better person a person that is still on the road of recovery and will be doing updates I just hope this can give someone hope.
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