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What is this crap?

822 Views 6 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  Kelson12
I was wondering about something. Why is that whenever I try to think positive or help myself (talking to myself outloud) or use all the great advice on this site, my mind fights back and refuses to be convinced? It seems like Im stuck in this neutral dead state. One big padlock on my mind. There more I try to think positive, thats when I sart to feel phoney and a little DR kicks in. Why?

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There seems to be stages to this disorder:

1) WHAM - something happens (taking drugs, etc.) that puts you into a vivid state of depersonalization. The sudden onset is frightening and enough to hold you there for a good period of time.
2) You oscillate back and forth between very low lows and slight highs where you feel BAD and tiny glimpses of good.
3) You become aware of your new states of seeing things and have the ability to look back on your previous living as one state in an array of many altered states - this is where you start to become hyper-aware and somewhat philosophical.
4) The "sine wave" pattern of living starts to raise higher and higher on the good and less and less on the bad - until you start to even out.
5) You get "used" to living this way and things start getting normal again - and what scared you stops scaing you as much and you start living your life again (albeit different).
6) Unnormal "normality" starts to set in - where your normal patterns feel phony now as you don't feel the same as you used to when you do them, but you still do them naturally.
7) The wave pattern continously levels off as you start getting used to living...and so on and so forth.....

You're in the phony stage - you've already had the scared out of your wits stage and started evening out a bit on the good and bad (that's my guess). You say "neutral dead state", but really I believe your NET state is neutral - but your oscillating back and forth 'tween good and bad.
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