Hello everyone.
Ive pretty much suffered with this disorder for a while now. too long. What a shitty disorder. Its something that you know is there but there is no way to understand it. I hate the fact that i cant help myself, i cant do anything about it. Its just here and affecting me in every part of my life. I hate feeling miserable all the time. I hate feeling lost and mindless and uncapable.
When i speak its not me speaking, its like im gone and there is an answering machine with limited capabilities. Intelligence is out, the only things to say are quick and easy generated responses with no emotion or feeling. I lose my ability to be fun, to be funny, to be smart, to speak to people, to smile, to enjoy myself, to enjoy other people, to enjoy anything. Everyday is just another day to live through and get nothing out of. I just sit around and think about my predicament.
I am miserable and it is because of this problem. I dont know why i have it and i dont see the point. It is ruining everything. I dont do anything. When i do its forced. everything is forced, constructed. There just isnt anything there to be genuine. And thinking, its not good for anything. All i think about is my stupid problems and my state of unhappiness. How because of this i will never be happy and nothing will ever become of me. I hate this and i hate myself for having this. Who can i blame. Its not really about blaming because blame has nothing to do with it. Its me and only me and stupid shit that clogs my life. i am empty.
Im so tired of all this. My life is fine, its not terrible. I have nothing to complain about, but still i complain. I am misunderstood by everyone and no one knows who i am. I wish writing in these forums would help me. I wish everyone could be helped. Nothing is worse then this. Maybe so actually, but for now it doesnt seem that way. All ican think of is the now.
blah.
Ive pretty much suffered with this disorder for a while now. too long. What a shitty disorder. Its something that you know is there but there is no way to understand it. I hate the fact that i cant help myself, i cant do anything about it. Its just here and affecting me in every part of my life. I hate feeling miserable all the time. I hate feeling lost and mindless and uncapable.
When i speak its not me speaking, its like im gone and there is an answering machine with limited capabilities. Intelligence is out, the only things to say are quick and easy generated responses with no emotion or feeling. I lose my ability to be fun, to be funny, to be smart, to speak to people, to smile, to enjoy myself, to enjoy other people, to enjoy anything. Everyday is just another day to live through and get nothing out of. I just sit around and think about my predicament.
I am miserable and it is because of this problem. I dont know why i have it and i dont see the point. It is ruining everything. I dont do anything. When i do its forced. everything is forced, constructed. There just isnt anything there to be genuine. And thinking, its not good for anything. All i think about is my stupid problems and my state of unhappiness. How because of this i will never be happy and nothing will ever become of me. I hate this and i hate myself for having this. Who can i blame. Its not really about blaming because blame has nothing to do with it. Its me and only me and stupid shit that clogs my life. i am empty.
Im so tired of all this. My life is fine, its not terrible. I have nothing to complain about, but still i complain. I am misunderstood by everyone and no one knows who i am. I wish writing in these forums would help me. I wish everyone could be helped. Nothing is worse then this. Maybe so actually, but for now it doesnt seem that way. All ican think of is the now.
blah.
