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Hello guys, i am a new former member to this site and would love to get some positive feedback about my situation.

I have been having symptoms of DR/DP for about 2 months now. The first few weeks i had no idea what it was and called it a "natural high". After reading a few forums i have came to a conclusion in which i have developed dr/dp. Some of you may wonder how i got dp/dr, well here is the answer, I took one tab of LSD which lead me to an anxiety attack. After i woke up one morning i knew something was extremely wrong. I was filled with fear and thought i had literally fried my brain. Weeks went by, and i was stuck in a loop of existential thoughts. I could not eat, sleep, socialize and i was afraid of any human contact. Yes, i did feel nothing was real, like everything was 3D and ugh terrible feeling.

My symptoms have gotten much better ever since, i still feel high/buzzed but it really doesn't bother me anymore. I came to terms with it and be " OK DR I KNOW YOU ARE THERE, I FEEL HIGH, OK HIGH ON LIFE, I DON"T CARE" which has finally made me come down my cloud.

The problem is. . . I AM STUCK IN MY LOOP OF EXISTENTIAL THOUGHTS. Well not really thoughts because it is just this one tini tiny thought i am really afraid of. It is " WOW I AM A HUMAN AND THERE IS NO EVIDENCE OR TRACE OF HOW WE ARE ALL HERE, NO ONE, I MEAN NO ONE, KNOWS THE TRUTH BEHIND LIFE" and that's it. Just that one thought that always make me feel like complete dog #### and makes me fall into depression. ALWAYS. It seems like every time i think about it, i feel a heavy sensation in my body. My hands begin to sweat and and my chest gets tight. From there, my loop begins,over and over and over again. I cry cry cry. I have thought about suicide, and every negative there is to this world. I need help.

I did not have a bad trip,on the other hand the next day i took lsd i was so happy with life and my surroundings. My trip was very spiritual and no where near negative. I even told myself that i wanted to be ugly and still find happiness.But dp/dr kicked in and now i'm completely confused about life, don't know how to face my fear, i really don't. Every time i think about it, i want to kill myself so i rather ignore it. I will be seeing a therapist this upcoming month and hope to express deeply on how i truly feel. I am a 15 year old female and have very supporting parents. I have no trace of mental illness in my family or depression.

I would like to point out that before all this happened,i had a very strong belief about MY Special kind of God, the God who has been protecting me from anything and everything that has came my way. For now it seems like someone literally tore my soul apart and laughed in my face about what i believed in. I lost all my hope and faith and don't know if i should regain my belief or move on from it. I don't feel like myself and it makes me fall into a deep hole up depression.

I would love to hear similar experiences, or positive advice. I have hope in recovery but not my existential thoughts. Will they fade over time, or become less of interest? When i return to normal, which i know i will, will these thoughts bother me as they do now?

THANK YOU,


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live1light
Oct 03 2013 06:59 PM

thank you for your reply, i'm praying to whoever exists out there helps me get through this. I just feel like my perspective about life has changed, like in a negative way. I feel like I'm in a book, or something. I'm scared how the past is the past and can't go back. I think like wow, everyday is a new day and we can't escape. I had a breakdown not so long ago because of this. What are your symptoms?


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live1light
Oct 03 2013 08:30 PM

I wish you the very best, much respect for people who have had it for a long period of time. I have only had for two months and it's living hell. Well yes, i'm trying to figure out a way to change my perspective but i don't know how to. All i have are ngative thoughts. Now i'm scared of the past, like i'm questioning of how can we sleep, wake up and move on. It's like we will never ever recall those moments. Life is so strange. Do you have dp more than dr? i certainly have DR at its finest everyday. I also feel like my soul is gone, i miss my old self. . .
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What triggered yours?


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kristinavyz
Oct 14 2013 04:10 AM

Hey!

Just read your post and i can complete relate to the things you have written... Every thing you have explained is exactly how i was feeling about a year ago when my dp was at its worse.. All the time i too was thinking are we real? how was the world made and genereally things you have described about existing matters.. It is very scary, it is very complicated and these thoughts really do bring you down.. i too was having suicidal thoughts, i thought my soul was gone, i was thinking that it is strange how we have a brain and how we can think. i was scared terrifies of my thoughts and all this was just a cycle, the same thoughts were running over and over my head again and again.. To be honest for the first 4-5 months i didnt know what it was i had, i didnt know that something called dp existed..!! i thought that i had brain cancer or somthing!! when i found out what it was i was relived it was 'somthing'... Any way.. the reason i developed dp was of traumatic loss.. when i was 4 years old i lost both my parents in a car crash, what triggered my dp was my use of drugs. I smoked weed for 4 years and later on got involed with the wrong people who were doing cocaine and exctacy. After a year of these more serious drugs and after having big panic attacts whilst on these drugs i develpoed dp... it was bad.. i was terrified, i thought it would never go away.. but its gone! with the help of my doctor and antidepressants and of course with a better lifestyle.. slowly and i say again very slowly my dp went away... these thoughts began to get fewer and fewer i started to notice that even when i had them they didnt bother me as much.. THEY DO GO AWAY, THEY ARE NOT PERMINANT, YOU WONT BE LIKE THAT FORVEVER- all you have to do is to be positive, have faith and give time some time to let your self fix!!

 
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