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I'm only 16 and suffer from horrible anxiety and what I believe is depersonalization. On New Years I had smoked weed for the first time because I was going through a horrible time in my life and all of my friends were doing it. So I figured why not it won't hurt. Oh my god was I wrong. I was taking very big hits without noticing, and then I remember starting to feel weird and saying "it feels like if I jump off the floor I'll fly" and then after that I'm not sure what happened. My friends told me I just said I needed to sit for a minute but I don't remember saying that at all. The last thing I remember is opening my eyes and it feeling like I was going to have a seizure or already having one. And everyone asking if I was okay, I was so scared I didn't know what was going on, so I told my friend to call my mom because I wanted to go to the hospital, my mom came to get me and never took me to the hospital I just stayed home and hoped to let it wear off. Eventually I figured out I was having a panic attack. I fell asleep after awhile but the next morning I still felt pretty off. A couple days and weeks started to go by and I was feeling better and tried to forget it ever even happened. Then in February I was out to eat with some friends and I had another horrible panic attack and had to leave the restaurant and go home. I've barely left the house since then and it's been a little over 5 months. I have tried therapy but it wasn't really working for me. The past couple days I've been really really bad. Like my whole family seems unfamiliar and like I don't even know them, I'm just so scared and I don't know what to do. All day yesterday I was having really bad panic attacks along with the depersonalization which is just a very horrifying feeling. You go completely like numb almost like you're dreaming. I started to believe that I'm in like acoma or something. And then just to make it worse I was scrolling on tumblr and came across this picture( I'll attach the image to the entry) just incase the image doesn't attach right I'll tell you what it said it pretty much was a black background with white writing that said "you've been in acoma for 20 years we aren't sure where this will appear in your dream but it's a new experiment we are trying, please wake up" and people were commenting on it like omg could you imagine and stuff like that and it really freaked me out, I'm started to believe I am honestly. My doctor prescribed me Zoloft but I'm so scared of taking it like what if it makes me gain a lot of weight or makes me have a horrible panic attack again. I don't know I'm just really scared. If ANYONE knows what I'm going through or can help in anyway please reply. I really need some reassurance that all of this isn't some crazy dream. Like I really did die and this isn't real or something. Oh and another thing is I literally never sleep and when I do it's like I'm not even sleeping and then I wake up in like alert and scared and wondering if I'm still asleep dreaming. Someone please just try and help me out here it would mean a lot. And what are your opinions on taking medication? Should I be scared or should I actually just take it? Thank you so much for reading.



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katiej
Jul 28 2014 04:28 AM

Taking medication isnt a bad thing at all. i think it will help you but you have to give it a few weeks. Sounds like u have high anxiety and the panic attacks you are having sound just like mine. Its just a feeling but i know its very very scarey. Its harmless. Try not to fear it and it will pass quicker.



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Owleen
Jul 31 2014 09:45 PM

I don't know if depersonalization is what you have. A really nasty anxiety disorder sounds right though. Which really (from personal expierce) SUCKS. So I'm sorry you're going through that, you're not alone though, even though it may feel that way. For me, I had to take time and think through all of the anxiety, organize my thoughts. Try meditation? Find an outlet through which you can let out that energy (or whatever you like to call it). Try something. Don't let yourself be caught in a never ending circle or majorly suckish anxiety.



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jujuelephant
Aug 16 2014 06:54 AM

Hey Jess,

I'm sorry you're going through all of these scary and uncomfortable feelings. When I was your age (about 8 years ago) I went through severe anxiety and panic disorder as well (which is what you sound like you have). I know how scary and confusing it is, how unreal you may be feeling, and how exhausting it is to go through seemingly endless days and nights of fear and confusion. You just have to know that you are NOT going crazy, and that it is absolutely 100% possible to get better
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One of the toughest parts for me was the thing you mention about unreality--like questioning whether you even recognize your family anymore or whether you're even fully "alive". I would obsessively think about these things, convinced that I was losing my mind even more and that I would never get out this mess. I also felt like no one around me would believe what I told them, and that there was something severely and permanently wrong with me. After reading up on anxiety/panic/DP I found that tons of other people out there were having the same feelings and struggles that I was, and that in fact they weren't harmful at all. It's just a state of intense fear that seems to linger a little longer than it should, kind of numbing your brain and perceptual senses so that you do feel a little 'unreal' in this world. Just think of it as a kind of break or nap for your psyche..a time for it to disconnect and take some time off before it reboots and you feel completely healthy and grounded again. I know it's tough, trust me, but you also have to be aware of the fact that it's not dangerous and you WILL get better. As for therapy and drugs, I did find that a little bit of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and a small dose of antidepressants helped. I think what the drugs really helped with was that persistent feeling of dread I was feeling and helped to calm my nerves a bit. I didn't take them for six months either because I was scared of what would happen too. But don't worry, I really don't think you'll gain any weight on them. And hey, even if you do, five extra pounds is worth the relief you'd get anyway
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Hang in there, and good luck with everything!


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Becca98
Aug 20 2014 03:33 PM

I know what your going through! The exact same thing happened to me. I thought it would be a good idea to try weed and i had the biggest panick attack of my life and a few days after i felt okay then i just remember one afternoon i had a nap and woke up with this horrible depersonilized feeling and i had another panick attack! I was so bad i convinced myself i had a brain tumor and had an MRI scan! I still dont feel right i have not tried therapy but it is driving me insane! I start college soon so i dont know how the hell im going to manage with that!


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Lion7
Aug 25 2014 05:52 PM

Have you tested your thyroid? I can relate to your sleeping pattern. It feels like I don't even sleep.


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msalapa100
Aug 29 2014 12:25 AM

I had a very similar experience, I was 15 and I had completely convinced myself I was living in a dream. I had no idea what depersonalization was so I was convinced I was loosing my mind. Im about to be 18 and feel 100 times better. You will get better! It doesn't happen over night but you can recover. I found that exercise helped me a lot, and that staring a social medias all day made things worse. Start by making small achievable life goals toward something you really enjoy. Once your mind becomes consumed by something other than thoughts about depersonalization you will start to feel a lot better. Its all about stringing days together! Having someone to talk to other than a therapist can help a lot as well. I remember feeling embarrassed because I felt like I was loosing my mind but once I opened up to a close friend about what I was going through I felt so relieved. Stretching or doing yoga before bed can help with sleep. And remember you are not crazy, you are not dreaming, and you will get better!

Wish you the best hope this was a bit helpful


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musichead
Sep 09 2014 07:16 AM

What it sounds like here is that some traumatic life situation has caused you to dissociate away from it because it was to painful to deal with. You mention you were going through a hard time? I suggest going towards that and what ever it is dont be afraid of it and try to face it and express your true emotions about it. This will get rid of dp, the feeling of unreality, philosophical questions and all that symptoms you have this is caused by trauma, your brain was to sensitive to handle it and the weed you smoked triggered it. Dp isnt anxiety its dissociation theres a big difference, so try looking up this stuff and doing your homework on it it will lead to recovery. the best thing you can do is to educate your self on it so when you experience new symptoms your not thrown off guard. You can recover from this and also about the zoloft medication let me link you somthing on how medications dont actually help with dp. Here check this out
 
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