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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I had some situations in my life which were dangerous . like as a kid for example I was in a pool and almost drowned . what if I did drown ? what if I am already dead ?

sounds weird I know but anybody else has these thoughts ? sometimes I dont feel alive and ask myself if I died already long ago
 

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i'm pretty sure it is dp related, i have those thoughts a lot. but then i get ill or i'm in physical pain of some sort and i realize that i'm alive, that this isnt purgatory. so, i guess we'll be fine...
 
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i'm pretty sure it is dp related, i have those thoughts a lot. but then i get ill or i'm in physical pain of some sort and i realize that i'm alive, that this isnt purgatory. so, i guess we'll be fine...
half a year ago I suffered from a big panic attack because that " dead" feeling was so intense . the main reason why I paniced was that my former psychiatrist mentioned the word psychosis when I told her that I feel as if I died (she didnt say I am psychotic she said but said the word). so I was freaking out and was scared to lose my mind . I went to my physician who gave me an half Ativan which calmed me down a bit . but after a few days I became obsessed with certain thoughts (I dont want to tell them) and also had thought disorder (I think the Ativan was also partly responsible for that) . I changed my psychiatrist and went to my old psychiatrist and he said I have a psychosis and gave me antipsychotics (solian and perazine) . after taking one of each meds I instantly felt better

but I have to add that I didnt only have the "am I dead ?" questioning but I actually thought I am dead . I dont know if there is a difference but imo these thoughts go into the psychotic direction . I think severe dp can have overlap with psychosis . and also some overlap with ocd

I hope people who feel similar to me dont get freaked out by the fear of going psychotic . me personally I know the anxiety of being psychotic but you dont need to be scared . since I am accepting that I could have a psychotic disorder I am a lot less scared of it and it is not the end of the world as I thought

so you are saying that it is rather DP ? I often think "what if I died in the pool as a kid ?" . "what if I died when my friend choked me while we were drunk" . "what if I died when I hurt my vain in my hand losing so much blood" . etc.
 

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normally (for me) these thoughts dont linger long.
my former dr. also mentioned psychosis a couple of times, he even gave me some meds for that, which made me feel bad (then again that dr is a fan of the movies "Psycho", and then i discovered he isnt actually a psichiatrist, but a general doctor, so i'm glad i'm now being treated by his boss, a psichiatrist).
maybe you should ask your doctor if these thoughts can happen due to strong anxiety? but if the meds they gave you make you feel better, then thats good, isnt it?
 
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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
normally (for me) these thoughts dont linger long.
my former dr. also mentioned psychosis a couple of times, he even gave me some meds for that, which made me feel bad (then again that dr is a fan of the movies "Psycho", and then i discovered he isnt actually a psichiatrist, but a general doctor, so i'm glad i'm now being treated by his boss, a psichiatrist).
maybe you should ask your doctor if these thoughts can happen due to strong anxiety? but if the meds they gave you make you feel better, then thats good, isnt it?
well I dont use the antipsychotics anymore since a few weeks and dont feel worse without them . which is a good thing . I only use effexor which helps a lot with my anxiety

and yes big part of my problems is anxiety . the anxiety couples with DP and creates an at least "pseudo" OCD kind of thing and can lead to panic aswell . I am a mess lol

I would like to live without medication because they make me fat and ugly . I will seek a therapist soon . does therapy has any positive effect on DP ? I mean DP is something that is not researched that much and I think many docs dont even know what the fuck it is
 

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i dont know about therapy, as i havent had any, but i've heard a lot of people say it has helped them a lot ("cognitive behavioral therapy" i believe it is)
i havent tried therapy because what works for me is just to keep myself occupied (go to school, clean the house, read, listen to music etc.)

and i know, it is so frustrating that every doctor i've seen hasnt had the slightest idea of what i'm talking about, except for the one i'm currently with, he has a small idea, but that little bit is progress anyway
 
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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
i dont know about therapy, as i havent had any, but i've heard a lot of people say it has helped them a lot ("cognitive behavioral therapy" i believe it is)
i havent tried therapy because what works for me is just to keep myself occupied (go to school, clean the house, read, listen to music etc.)

and i know, it is so frustrating that every doctor i've seen hasnt had the slightest idea of what i'm talking about, except for the one i'm currently with, he has a small idea, but that little bit is progress anyway
do you also know the feeling of not loving your family anymore ? or as if you dont know them ?

is that DP too ?

when I told this to my doc he said this also goes into the psychotic direction which I somehow doubt
 

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yes, i believe it is dp too, its like you "know" you love them, you just dont "feel" it
 
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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
yes, i believe it is dp too, its like you "know" you love them, you just dont "feel" it
yes exactly I know I am supposed to love them and that I loved them in the past but I feel dull now and ask myself constantly if I still love them

it is a horrible feeling tbh

will this shit ever go away ?
 

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it will go away, you just need to keep on going,
and i know this (and i dont want to scare anybody...) because i'm sure that i was over it... for a brief time.. i so brief i couldnt enjoy it (or even notice it) until i fell again, but now i'm hopeful that this time i'll overcome it for good
 
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Do you have a rational reason to believe in what you feel and not dismiss it as a false belief? You can also look at it this way: so what if you're dead? That would just mean death is pretty much nothing and that what we know as life will continue uninterrupted after death occurs, because clearly that's exactly what has happened with you. Let's say hypothetically that you indeed died. Despite that, you're still clearly able to continue life as if nothing even happened, are you not? What, then, is the significance of death, and why does it warrant the attention you're giving it? It would be an entirely inconsequential event if it played out the way you believe. That would also imply that we're ultimately immortal because death would mean nothing more than essentially skipping deaths and living on in another reality/dimension, as evident from you still being here.

"like as a kid for example I was in a pool and almost drowned . what if I did drown ? what if I am already dead ?"

Rationally speaking, you didn't die because you're still alive. You did *almost* drown. There is a difference. You can arrive at the same conclusion by checking your vital signs. It seems to me like you're pondering if you died in an alternative dimension/alternative outcome or some such. Even if you would have, how does that have any relevance to you *here*? I also hit my head pretty badly as a kid and could've died, but I don't see that as grounds for believing that I died. Could have but did not!

You ARE alive. There is absolutely no reason whatsoever to believe otherwise. If you have the capacity to ask whether you're alive, you are. You're also able to keep on living just the same as before this supposed death, hence:

Scenario 1: You did not die, and your life continued normally. Good for you.
Scenario 2: You died, and your life continued normally. Good for you.

Conclusion: Death is inconsequential.

What really will happen is that you will die one day, and you won't be able to question whether you're dead or alive. Fine, it's worth acknowledging that some people believe in an afterlife-and I don't deny the possibility either-but why would this afterlife be identical, and seamless, to the life before it? That doesn't make much sense, either, does it?

In reality, this is nothing more than an obsession. Your belief is unfounded. I hope you can see that and hopefully shake it.

Regarding you asking if I've had this thought: yes, I've thought of something like this before. The difference is that it was just a normal thought going through my head, something I explored in a neutral and healthy manner as I love to explore abstract things. I also recognized it as an irrational belief. The takeaway here is that I didn't fixate on it as an obsession-and neither should you.
 
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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Do you have a rational reason to believe in what you feel and not dismiss it as a false belief? You can also look at it this way: so what if you're dead? That would just mean death is pretty much nothing and that what we know as life will continue uninterrupted after death occurs, because clearly that's exactly what has happened with you. Let's say hypothetically that you indeed died. Despite that, you're still clearly able to continue life as if nothing even happened, are you not? What, then, is the significance of death, and why does it warrant the attention you're giving it? It would be an entirely inconsequential event if it played out the way you believe. That would also imply that we're ultimately immortal because death would mean nothing more than essentially skipping deaths and living on in another reality/dimension, as evident from you still being here.

"like as a kid for example I was in a pool and almost drowned . what if I did drown ? what if I am already dead ?"

Rationally speaking, you didn't die because you're still alive. You did *almost* drown. There is a difference. You can arrive at the same conclusion by checking your vital signs. It seems to me like you're pondering if you died in an alternative dimension/alternative outcome or some such. Even if you would have, how does that have any relevance to you *here*? I also hit my head pretty badly as a kid and could've died, but I don't see that as grounds for believing that I died. Could have but did not!

You ARE alive. There is absolutely no reason whatsoever to believe otherwise. If you have the capacity to ask whether you're alive, you are. You're also able to keep on living just the same as before this supposed death, hence:

Scenario 1: You did not die, and your life continued normally. Good for you.
Scenario 2: You died, and your life continued normally. Good for you.

Conclusion: Death is inconsequential.

What really will happen is that you will die one day, and you won't be able to question whether you're dead or alive. Fine, it's worth acknowledging that some people believe in an afterlife-and I don't deny the possibility either-but why would this afterlife be identical, and seamless, to the life before it? That doesn't make much sense, either, does it?

In reality, this is nothing more than an obsession. Your belief is unfounded. I hope you can see that and hopefully shake it.

Regarding you asking if I've had this thought: yes, I've thought of something like this before. The difference is that it was just a normal thought going through my head, something I explored in a neutral and healthy manner as I love to explore abstract things. I also recognized it as an irrational belief. The takeaway here is that I didn't fixate on it as an obsession-and neither should you.
you are right . and I know that these thoughts are nonsense and must sound idiotic . however there is a feeling of emptyness and my emotions are dull . also the feeling of "did I really survive all this ?"

I also have the feeling sometimes that my body doesnt belong to me . when I for example brush my teeth or shave my head etc. I dont realize that it is me who is doing it . it feels as if I dont have any nerves in my arms

this is typical for DP I guess ?

I believe in god and the afterlife and I am very scared of god and I am scared that he will put me in hell . one of my biggest fears .....
 

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I had some situations in my life which were dangerous . like as a kid for example I was in a pool and almost drowned . what if I did drown ? what if I am already dead ?

sounds weird I know but anybody else has these thoughts ? sometimes I dont feel alive and ask myself if I died already long ago
Because you're here asking us if you're dead. If you were actually dead, you wouldn't be able to ask. Ultimately these kinds of existential questions don't matter. It doesn't change anything about your life.
 

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I know the feelings of which you speak. During my 1st cannabis intoxication, I suffered a sequence of powerful temporal lobe seizures. I wouldn't understand what had happened to me for 40 years. I lost my emotions.....dead. I lost my libido.....dead. I became agoraphobic. My sense of self and environment

had changed significantly. I didn't recognize my mirror image. I had a head tremor. My skin had an ugly pallor. I seemed to be living in a dream, and it would not have been hard to convince myself that I was dead in many respects. I began having frequent blinding ocular migraines (which I had no idea what they were for more than a decade).

I had brief spells of intense panic during which I would lose control of my tongue and swallowing. I had spells of intense deja vu. I can't remember all the shit I went through, even though I went through it for 40 years. In 2011, I solved the riddle and matched every lsymptom I had ever experienced to those of

a relatively rare and poorly understood epileptic syndrome. I often looked back at that night in December 1971 and say to myself "dude, you died that night".
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I know the feelings of which you speak. During my 1st cannabis intoxication, I suffered a sequence of powerful temporal lobe seizures. I wouldn't understand what had happened to me for 40 years. I lost my emotions.....dead. I lost my libido.....dead. I became agoraphobic. My sense of self and environment

had changed significantly. I didn't recognize my mirror image. I had a head tremor. My skin had an ugly pallor. I seemed to be living in a dream, and it would not have been hard to convince myself that I was dead in many respects. I began having frequent blinding ocular migraines (which I had no idea what they were for more than a decade).

I had brief spells of intense panic during which I would lose control of my tongue and swallowing. I had spells of intense deja vu. I can't remember all the shit I went through, even though I went through it for 40 years. In 2011, I solved the riddle and matched every lsymptom I had ever experienced to those of

a relatively rare and poorly understood epileptic syndrome. I often looked back at that night in December 1971 and say to myself "dude, you died that night".
wow ....you suffered from this for 40 years ? have you finally overcome it ?
 

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I have overcome. However, a victory in a 40 year struggle with mental illness is pyrrhic. Ecclesiastes 3 ►. 1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.

It was very painful to watch the seasons of my life change, and to be too ill to fulfill their purpose - But, not visibly ill enough for those responsible for identifying and treating illness

to notice that I desperately needed intervention. I sought help on numerous occasions from mental health professionals, psychiatrists, and at least one neurologist over those 40 years. Each time I came away without a

diagnosis or appropriate treatment., and I cried because I knew I would either die or lose another large piece of my life before I could ask for help again. I lived through some very dark and lonely days. I survived

5 episodes of major depression, and each was an epic struggle with severe anxiety and insomnia.

When I read the words of the medical case history in the British Neurological Text which finally explained everything in minute detail, I also cried. It was so empowering to finally understand

what had happened to me over 40 years ago, and why I had become so ill. I never thought I would. I had ECT to end my final depressive episode in 2014. It has been 5 depression free years since.

The average number of major depressive episodes in a sufferer's life is 4 or 5. I've had mine. I'm done. I feel significantly changed since the ECT. I strongly feel and believe it is behind me.

My only residual symptoms are the occasional ocular migraines. They are painless. I do not fear them. I can manage them.

Last week, my local health care conglomerate announced the opening of their epilepsy clinic, which will also treat migraine. If you google "Epilepsy Migraine" you will see that medical researchers have made the connection. And, they are at work connecting

major depression and genetic influence into the picture as well.
 

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My name is Bill. I wrote the words that have been published in this photobooklet, and that is my story. I was unaware that I had been "published",

Maybe I was made aware, and forgot? In any event, I'm flattered. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. I have saved the link and will read the remainder

at my leisure.

Chapter 1., huh? Look mom, I'm in the front row!

I've decided to write the head of neurology at the hospital at which I had my EEG when I was 17. I would like to know why I was left "out of the loop"

in the discussion of my 1971 EEG results, and treatment going forward. Why would a neurologist recommend psychiatric treatment based on one (non time study)

EEG which showed evidence of epileptic activity? Did my mother misunderstand the neurologist's evaluation?

The lie that my EEG was normal was criminal and it sentenced me to 40 years of mental illness and inappropriate treatment

mental health professionals until the day I sorted it out for myself.
 

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Bro how fuxking stupid, if u r dead ur living right now right? If u r fuxking dead what's that gonna make a difference?

Obviaously ur not ducking dead

Wake the fuck up and stop thinking dumb fuxking shit

Sorry for this harsh post

I'm mad at myself right now

But I'm tired of these dumb posts

Y r u thinking this dumb shit

R u really bugging urself out on some bullshit non sense that U KNOW is not true??

And say if u were actually dead

Finding out is gonna do what?

God is gonna be like

Hey u found out ur actually dead

High five

Now u get to walk thru walls cus ur a ghost now

U get what I'm saying?

U ain't dead

Don't be fuxking stupid

Sorry for the harsh comments

I'm on a spree right now
 
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