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what is the mental proccedure that causes you to feel happy and normal again, do you know it?
this is what happens to me:

case a) i sit down, completely lost in a fog. and i say to myself this is what you do to yourself snap out of it, and i snap out of it!! this has only happen once

case b) i think of suiscide all the time, and how i want to die and of the things that stop me and my anxiety raises and i cry my eyes out. and then it's okay.
I feel a little normal and okay.. things are clear again this has happen a lot of times

case c)
i notice suddenly a little difference in my mood, and that makes me relax and relax more and this time i don't panic thinnking of when the hell is going to come back and i am well for a while. this has happened a few times.

note: the happiness never lasts longer than one day usually... the longer it has lasted was one time 3 days and one other time 5.

how can the below be happening?
never have i been awere of my thoughts or of what is the thing that makes me okay.

Hey there eclecticsheep. Sorry to hear what has been doing on lately. I sure things have been picking up. It sounds like you have depression as well as anxiety issues. None of that ever happened to me so I can't really give you much advice on it. Are you on medication? Do you see a therapist? They tend to help although the medication part is arguable.

Something I've noticed in myself sounds a lot like your (b). I will get into a period of hopelessness where I think of suicide -- at its worst. It goes on maybe a week. And then I come out of it (I always do). And when I come out of it, the world is brighter and clearer than ever. This has happened so often that, when I get into the down period, I console myself with the thought that at least when I get out of it, I'll get a nice reward! It's as if the down period contributes to my progress. Same when I quit smoking. In periods of stress the desire to light up was much stronger, but if I hung in there (as I always did), after the stress was over, the urge to smoke went down significantly. Again, this happened so many times, it was something to look forward to after the tough part.
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