[yume]

I'm about to take a short break after this job ends as I am mentally exhausted. However I know I will have to look for a new job after which kinda depresses me and makes me anxious. My work history isn't so great... even though I consistently had various unskilled jobs, they all lasted between 3 months to 2 years. I'm worried I'll never be able to make enough to live a normal life...

My past employers have all gave me similar feedback, like lack of initiative or motivation, and appearing spacey at times (regarding admin work). I find it hard to connect with people at times due to feelings of dissociation. Even just doing simple physical work that requires no thoughts is hard because I am fatigued due to being physically overworked, which makes me dissociate more.

Any suggestions would be helpful. Thank you.

 

[Al_pk]

Employment in the past 2 years has been a rough road for me too Yume.

In 2018 i was so bad I couldn't work. It was necessary for me not to work. I was a dead man walking and ended up in the psych ward when i tried to off myself.

In 2019 i was feeling *a bit* better so i dipped my toes in a bit more and tried several, mostely manual jobs for a few weeks or months. I came to the same conclusion as you - that manual work was not for me anymore and the fatigue was exhausting rather than invigorating.

At some point in the last few months i got a good bit of my cognition back, and i have an interview for a pharmacy advisor job tommorow - this is something i did a few years ago so i am hoping I can ease into something familiar where I can use my smarts that will not overtax me.

You've got to be tactical when jobbing with DP, choose something that's right for your current state, and work on up.

My personal opinion from how you described your situation and mental state, I think you need to look for some easy as pie stuff like a garden centre or coffee shop, something where you can zone in and out and do bits and bobs. Maybe part time. I think for now you've got to work to live, not live to work.

 

[Aridity]

The last job I had was something similar to a security guard,but it was in the petrochemical industry. And you had to basically stand all fucking day and watch people weld and do dangerous jobs, check permits and safety gear it was an easy job. But so boring at times,I don't think it was good for my DP/DR as the environment was very loud and hectic sometimes. I think it's important if you're physically well to do something more interactive to make a better mind and body connection. Now I am not working,I am on sick leave for 2 months already, I felt getting worse quickly,lost my girlfriend, living back with my parents again. Life is at it's depths momentarily.

 

[Cedric]

It's hard keeping a job with DPDR, I've been lucky my PhD contract is very flexible in hours and working days, otherwise I'd been fired two years ago. I'm grateful for this although my contract is finishing and I'm not ready yet for a new, more strict, type of job.

 

[santi123]

I am currently a student in Prague, but whilst studying, I was working as a tour guide.
I could say, it was by far the scariest experience I went through. I had to talk in front of 10 or at times 60 people, describing about the process of brewery and beer fermentation. My choice of field of work was due to having a great amount of experience in tourism in the past before Dp/Dr and well nothing came up so that was my only option.
As I recall, my Dp/Dr was so severe, i couldn't look at a persons face for a long time as it was very irritating, this was due to my visual distortion.

My question to you guys is, do you have visual distortion whilst looking at someone or is it irritating? and, do you hear a buzz in your ear from the moment you get up to the moment you go to sleep?
My Dp/Dr was induced by cannabis and has been persistent for 1 year and some months.. Although, these days I have been feeling more grounded, thank god.

 

[yume]

At some point in the last few months i got a good bit of my cognition back, and i have an interview for a pharmacy advisor job tommorow - this is something i did a few years ago so i am hoping I can ease into something familiar where I can use my smarts that will not overtax me.

You've got to be tactical when jobbing with DP, choose something that's right for your current state, and work on up.

My personal opinion from how you described your situation and mental state, I think you need to look for some easy as pie stuff like a garden centre or coffee shop, something where you can zone in and out and do bits and bobs. Maybe part time. I think for now you've got to work to live, not live to work.

Good luck for your interview!

Thank you for your advice, yes I suppose you're right, I'll have to be tactical with jobbing. I used to work in a coffee shop, but it can be very stressful if it's busy (and most tends to be busy) but nothing dpdr can't handle. But in the long term I wish to find a stable career path, since I'm already 30.

First thing, I've been told DP is hard to detect. Someone who specializes in observing people's behavior, like a supervisor, might notice a DPed person acting differently than their peers, but the average person isn't likely to notice. I guess that means a good career choice would be one that doesn't involve supervisors breathing down your neck, or one where the supervisor is too apathetic or impotent to do anything about you potentially having the "wrong" affect. You probably know better than I do, all workplaces have different ways of measuring productivity. The worst for DPed people might be ones where productivity is measured by asking, "Does he look busy?" DP, like you said, can make us lethargic and detached from our environment, which people may interpret as laziness or a lack of enthusiasm. DPed people can be productive, and it helps to have the productivity numbers to back it up. In my experience, I'm more productive when I'm doing something I like or at least tolerate.

I completely agree with everything you said, you really did describe my struggles really well. It is mainly my supervisors who comment on my behaviours. However I had had coworkers who suggested I need to see a doctor (for my spacing out and lethargic character) which suggests my symptoms are pretty bad.

Usually because my jobs are low skilled, it is measured by "how busy I look" and I've always struggled to looked busy even though I get all my work done. Apart from work, all my life I've been described as lazy, and I know it's because I am lethargic and lack enthusiasm, which kinda frustrates me and doesn't help my self-esteem.

But thank you, you gave me some food for thought.

 

[Al_pk]

Darian I have the visual distortion. I was just at an interview and had to keep blinking and looking away. I used to see people as a blur when they were moving. This was disturbing but it has improved greatly.

I don't have the buzz but I do have ear ringing instead. It's all a lot better nowadays

 

[Al_pk]

Yume I'm nearly 30 too but I don't give a shit anymore. If life was different i would have been a dietitian by now and on top of the world. But things have been absolutely crazy for me these past few years. I've had to let go of a lot and moderate my ambitions and expectations. I've got a condition and I need to recover - nothing is more important than regaining my mental health. I would live on minimum wage forever if I was in perfect health and happy

 

[yume]

@darian I have a sensation like visual distortion/blur, but I think it's just my wandering mind that makes it feel this way. I have trouble focusing on something visually.

@Al_pk You're right, I need to prioritise my mental health over my ambitions as I have been ignoring it for many years now.

 

[Al_pk]

Here's the great thing Yume, in years from now we could be living our dream life. No one knows what the future has in store for us. But for now, yes, focus on your condition. Educate yourself, read up all the dpdr recovery material you can. I started with "at last a life" by Paul David. This is how you will build that future. Go steady man, we are with you.

 

[yume]

Thank you for your encouragement. I feel very alone with this at the moment. I will give that book a read

 

[James_80]

When I've been at my worst, I've been described as seeming stoned, spaced out, slothlike etc. One person assumed I was a heavy drug user when I didn't touch anything, even alcohol, haha. I mostly see the funny side as I know it's not my fault. However, one thing that affected me was that I've never been promoted in my life and I've been working for nearly 20 years now. Mostly in jobs where I have been stuck behind a computer doing extremely dull work. Last year I decided enough was enough and I'm now working as a support worker in mental health. Early days but it's going well so far. I think the key with dp is to find a way of making money in something that really engages your attention in a positive way. Whether that is being creative, helping people or simply making loadsa money. Any old crappy job is no good for dp and I would say it is better to not work than have one of those jobs.