I've definitely always considered myself an academic at heart, since I was very young. Attempted grad school twice, once for medieval French literature and again for music theory. I loved the programs, but couldn't complete the programs unfortunately due to cognitive problems, anxiety, and confusion (getting lost on campus, etc). I still try to read things that interest me on occasion when I'm not feeling too overwhelmed or out of it, but I'm still very sad I couldn't continue in my chosen profession.
I cant work right now. I don't understand things anymore. I can read something and loose it in 1 sec.. Memory is so bad I can't remember what I did yesterday or how my life even was before..
It's nice to see people working. I really really can't... But i try to be hopefull that's hard without Amy emotions or feelings.. But yeah what else to do..
I grew up drawing and painting, it's all I ever did, although it was therapeutic and I enjoyed it... I still believe it contributed to my development of dpdr, as I used painting as a medium to escape from reality instead of facing it if that makes sense? I pursued it at university and graduated, but it was a struggle as I lost all interest and motivation for it. I haven't properly drawn or painted for several years now, although I hope to get back into it.
In terms of work, I feel incredibly inferior to everyone about this (I know we live in a crap economy and all my friends are in similar positions), but I just feel like dpdr is holding me back... my memory and concentration sucks, I get confused easily, and I struggle to give a damn about work (I have to pretend to be interested in the company values) - these are feedback given by my previous professors/managers/coworkers. I wanted to pursue web development, but my memory is too shit to remember any of the codes, and my interest of it comes and goes. At the moment I work at jobs that are easy for the mind, but I don't feel like I can ever get a better job beyond that due to dpdr *sigh* I'm fortunate to be able to work full time, but my symptoms seem to get worse the older I become...
Currently im the manager of a vape shop, i also do cold calling for the shop. Im leaving this job soon though since its getting me nowhere in life, but with dp ive really been struggling to try and find a job that isnt going to be too overwhelming for me.
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