Depersonalization Support Forum banner
1 - 10 of 10 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
26 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Long-ish Post

So I’ve dealt with DP/DR & dissociation on and off for about 8 years now. My panic attacks were extremely intense in the beginning, and then one day they just stopped, even tho my DP/DR symptoms continued. But one thing that always caught me off guard is how different my panic attacks feel versus what others on this forum describe (at least the posts I’ve seen). So I was curious to see if anyone shares these same feelings during their panic attacks:

-A common pattern i’ve noticed is that my panic attacks come on during a moment when I’m really in my head, just thinking super hard about something random.
-Then it’s almost as if I’m analyzing that thought so much, that my brain gets confused and thinks my thought is reality. At least that’s the best way I can describe it.
-That’s when I suddenly feel different. My palms get sweaty, my chest feels hot, heart rate skyrockets, and I sometimes start shaking severely. It feels like something is sucking me out of reality, into a “crazy vacuum” or something. I start losing touch with my surroundings. If I happen to be in the middle of a conversation with someone, I completely lose the ability to comprehend what they’re saying. I even start talking differently, or stop talking entirely.

One time, about a few years ago, I had a panic attack in a restaurant while on a date with a guy. It was super embarrassing. We were waiting for our food, and he was asking me about myself. My hobbies etc. All of a sudden things felt different, I couldn’t speak other than to say “I need to use the bathroom”. He could tell by the way I said it that something was wrong, and after a few minutes he came to the bathroom to check on me. I went in the bathroom and hyperventilated, smacking my head trying to get myself back into reality. After he knocked a couple times, I opened the door, and I had this delusional thought that the guy standing in line behind him was somehow his friend. But it was just some random guy, and I said out loud “Who’s your friend?”. They both looked at each other, confused. “What?” my date said, and I just walked past him and went outside.

This is the experience that tells me that these aren’t just panic attacks. They almost seem like delusions. A mini-psychotic break, if you will. I’m curious to know if anyone else had had similar things happen to them and if y’all could share it?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
293 Posts
Whenever I’m not comfortable, like you weren’t, I’m well aware that I’m “not on top of reality” and as a result, become withdrawn. But there’s been many times of trying to escape real quick around people so I can get rid of my ocd, just so I can think again. This kind of thing really sucks. I don’t have many experiences like yours to share though because I’ve been isolated for awhile. Do you think this happens because of anxiety or do you have trouble getting a hold of your mind?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
505 Posts
Long-ish Post

So I’ve dealt with DP/DR & dissociation on and off for about 8 years now. My panic attacks were extremely intense in the beginning, and then one day they just stopped, even tho my DP/DR symptoms continued. But one thing that always caught me off guard is how different my panic attacks feel versus what others on this forum describe (at least the posts I’ve seen). So I was curious to see if anyone shares these same feelings during their panic attacks:

-A common pattern i’ve noticed is that my panic attacks come on during a moment when I’m really in my head, just thinking super hard about something random.
-Then it’s almost as if I’m analyzing that thought so much, that my brain gets confused and thinks my thought is reality. At least that’s the best way I can describe it.
-That’s when I suddenly feel different. My palms get sweaty, my chest feels hot, heart rate skyrockets, and I sometimes start shaking severely. It feels like something is sucking me out of reality, into a “crazy vacuum” or something. I start losing touch with my surroundings. If I happen to be in the middle of a conversation with someone, I completely lose the ability to comprehend what they’re saying. I even start talking differently, or stop talking entirely.

One time, about a few years ago, I had a panic attack in a restaurant while on a date with a guy. It was super embarrassing. We were waiting for our food, and he was asking me about myself. My hobbies etc. All of a sudden things felt different, I couldn’t speak other than to say “I need to use the bathroom”. He could tell by the way I said it that something was wrong, and after a few minutes he came to the bathroom to check on me. I went in the bathroom and hyperventilated, smacking my head trying to get myself back into reality. After he knocked a couple times, I opened the door, and I had this delusional thought that the guy standing in line behind him was somehow his friend. But it was just some random guy, and I said out loud “Who’s your friend?”. They both looked at each other, confused. “What?” my date said, and I just walked past him and went outside.

This is the experience that tells me that these aren’t just panic attacks. They almost seem like delusions. A mini-psychotic break, if you will. I’m curious to know if anyone else had had similar things happen to them and if y’all could share it?
had have a lot of those experiences. i think one gets to this point if the anxiety is so strong that the mind can not find anything to ground itself. for me the problem was i had pure o about getting schizophrenic. do you have such fears?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
34 Posts
had have a lot of those experiences. i think one gets to this point if the anxiety is so strong that the mind can not find anything to ground itself. for me the problem was i had pure o about getting schizophrenic. do you have such fears?
I have pure o, or obsessions abt schitzo too it can be pretty hard to deal with and way Worse than dpdr tbh
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
26 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Whenever I’m not comfortable, like you weren’t, I’m well aware that I’m “not on top of reality” and as a result, become withdrawn. But there’s been many times of trying to escape real quick around people so I can get rid of my ocd, just so I can think again. This kind of thing really sucks. I don’t have many experiences like yours to share though because I’ve been isolated for awhile. Do you think this happens because of anxiety or do you have trouble getting a hold of your mind?
I do think part of it is definitely anxiety. I have a tendency to analyze my symptoms, which makes them even more intense. One thing I noticed that I forgot to mention in the post, is my eyes. It’s almost like my eyes can’t focus on anything. It sort of feels like they’re slipping in opposite directions, kinda like an Iguana. Obviously this isn’t really happening, but it feels that way.

I’ve also seen other people in the past say their eyes feel weird during panic attacks. I can’t remember his name or channel, but one guy on Youtube said that when he closes one eye, he feels different/dissociated.. but when he closes the other one, he feels grounded and more in touch with reality. I can’t explain it but it’s almost like one side of my brain (one eye) is in reality, while the other side of my brain (the other eye) is stuck in my thoughts/imagination. For a long time I was convinced I am schizophrenic/psychotic, but numerous psychiatrists/doctors have assured me that I’m not.. but I still sometimes feel that way. :(
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
253 Posts
Like I’m dying
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
391 Posts
I don't know if what I had were panic attacks, but I have had two episodes which could match the definition. During the first episode I was observing my thoughts and observing some subtle "shifts" and focusing on them, kind of shifts in "texture" or "color" of the thoughts. Every second, perhaps every time I moved my eyes to look at something else, it felt like my mind was different and I was a different person and there was no continuity between the two states. It felt like I was shifting all the time and there was no reference point. I felt I was losing myself, and my underlying fear at that time was that if I was crazy nobody would relate with my experiences and I would be all alone and or rejected. I was in a group at that moment and had to isolate. It was so strong I had to lie down in the street away from people, and I was just looking at the sky and the trees until it was too much and I just let it happen whatever it was, and then it was more or less gone in about 10 minutes. It did feel like my life was over. Interestingly, I still know what this "shift" sensation is, and I still feel it everyday but I don't focus on it and now it feels normal, it isn't my reference point anymore probably.
The second episode was during a meditation program. I had arguments/discussions with several people over beliefs. And it felt like I was building a kind of protected castle of beliefs for myself. Like trying to figure things out, and think things through to just be right about everything. But as I confronted my thoughts with others, I realized it is impossible to know for sure if I am right about everything, kind of. At some point, trying to be honest I had to realize it was impossible to live without contradiction, and my kind of castle started to colapse. It might sound weird but at that time this feeling felt nearly as bad as death. Plus I felt like I had just uncovered some truth about myself, and you cannot forget a truth and unbelieve it if you think it is the truth, so I felt like I would feel like that forever. Again I had to isolate, laid down and let all the weird things happen in me without resisting, and then it was kind of over in about 10 to 15 minutes.
These were my only two episodes. My DPDR symptoms started around year 2000, the first episode I described happend around 2005 and the second one around 2016 and I haven't had another one since.
Maybe the similarity between the two is that I had kind of defined my sense of identity over something and I started to panic when I felt that this reference point was actually moving, was unstable, or was colapsing. Perhaps the origin of the problem is that I had put my sense of identity in a too small reference point, like putting all my money on one horse, or I had put it on something too unstable, or I had tried to observe it too much to kind of figure it out.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
26 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I don't know if what I had were panic attacks, but I have had two episodes which could match the definition. During the first episode I was observing my thoughts and observing some subtle "shifts" and focusing on them, kind of shifts in "texture" or "color" of the thoughts. Every second, perhaps every time I moved my eyes to look at something else, it felt like my mind was different and I was a different person and there was no continuity between the two states. It felt like I was shifting all the time and there was no reference point. I felt I was losing myself, and my underlying fear at that time was that if I was crazy nobody would relate with my experiences and I would be all alone and or rejected. I was in a group at that moment and had to isolate. It was so strong I had to lie down in the street away from people, and I was just looking at the sky and the trees until it was too much and I just let it happen whatever it was, and then it was more or less gone in about 10 minutes. It did feel like my life was over. Interestingly, I still know what this "shift" sensation is, and I still feel it everyday but I don't focus on it and now it feels normal, it isn't my reference point anymore probably.
The second episode was during a meditation program. I had arguments/discussions with several people over beliefs. And it felt like I was building a kind of protected castle of beliefs for myself. Like trying to figure things out, and think things through to just be right about everything. But as I confronted my thoughts with others, I realized it is impossible to know for sure if I am right about everything, kind of. At some point, trying to be honest I had to realize it was impossible to live without contradiction, and my kind of castle started to colapse. It might sound weird but at that time this feeling felt nearly as bad as death. Plus I felt like I had just uncovered some truth about myself, and you cannot forget a truth and unbelieve it if you think it is the truth, so I felt like I would feel like that forever. Again I had to isolate, laid down and let all the weird things happen in me without resisting, and then it was kind of over in about 10 to 15 minutes.
These were my only two episodes. My DPDR symptoms started around year 2000, the first episode I described happend around 2005 and the second one around 2016 and I haven't had another one since.
Maybe the similarity between the two is that I had kind of defined my sense of identity over something and I started to panic when I felt that this reference point was actually moving, was unstable, or was colapsing. Perhaps the origin of the problem is that I had put my sense of identity in a too small reference point, like putting all my money on one horse, or I had put it on something too unstable, or I had tried to observe it too much to kind of figure it out.
I meant to reply to this awhile ago. This is spot on to what I experience. It’s like a shift in consciousness, personality, and perception of self. It’s the number one thing that makes me feel like I’m going crazy. I don’t know how to stop myself from having these “shifts”, but I notice they happen mostly when something bad happens in my personal life or I’m just really stressed out. But my mind just takes over, I can’t control it. Usually, after a few days I’ll forget about the shift, and start feeling somewhat “normal” again. But they always happen eventually. It feels like it’s making me stray further and further away from my true self. I hate it. But I’m glad I’m not alone in this. You’re the first person I’ve heard of that experiences this so thank you for your response.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
43 Posts
They felt like heart attacks (so I thought they were). Shortness of breath along with about 20 other symptoms that make you think you're near death.
Can't tell you how many times I was at the ER and tested for everything under the sun.

When they first hit, you'll think it's something terrible...but the more you realize they're harmless, the more you ignore them.
 
1 - 10 of 10 Posts
Top