Depersonalization Support Forum banner
1 - 4 of 4 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
182 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Or did you need to be 'convinced' for that matter? Hi, me again. With the same old question, do I believe I'm in the real world or not?

You see after all this time, I still can't convince myself I have a mental illness. It's certainly one of the possibilities, but the other one is that I am in a pretend world.

Even if I did know for certain it was a mental illness, surely it would be a different one to dp. After all, all of the descriptions of it say, and I quote msd manuals, 'patients always retain the knowledge that their unreal experiences are not real but rather are just the way that they feel'. And that's the crux of it for me. Whenever I have a feeling or whatever you want to call it, I'm not convinced it is down to a disorder. It could be that it is down to the fact that the world is indeed not real and I honestly believe that at times.

You see that is a belief, not a feeling! I can not always say no matter what feelings I have, I always know I'm in the real world, because I don't! Therefore surely not dp! Therefore maybe the world isn't real and I'm writing this pointlessly. And this is always compounded by the fact that whenever I say this to doctors they don't say it is anything more. Providing evidence that this isn't the real world, because a doctor diagnosing in the real world would specifically only diagnose dp if the person knew that this world was real. And I don't. Which would be a delusion and something else, in the real world!

So yes. Are you always convinced it's dp? How do you put trust in this world? Am I just totally getting this wrong or is there something to it? Are you always aware that you are in fact in the real world?

Sorry for yet another thread, if it matters.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,605 Posts
Even if I did know for certain it was a mental illness, surely it would be a different one to dp. After all, all of the descriptions of it say, and I quote msd manuals, 'patients always retain the knowledge that their unreal experiences are not real but rather are just the way that they feel'. And that's the crux of it for me. Whenever I have a feeling or whatever you want to call it, I'm not convinced it is down to a disorder. It could be that it is down to the fact that the world is indeed not real and I honestly believe that at times.
The quote is mostly outlining the definition between psychosis and depersonalization. The fact that you're contemplating these thoughts and obsessions is what makes you fall under the latter category. Someone with psychosis believes the delusions wholeheartedly and isn't able to question their beliefs like you're doing here. What it means by feelings is that your obsessions are essentially motivated by them. In your scenario, you are afraid that the world is fake and because you are ruminating on this so much, it's only natural that your thoughts would be guided by those emotions. Hence why you believe it sometimes.

People with something more than anxiety, depersonalization, and obsessive thinking don't have that luxury.

So yes. Are you always convinced it's dp? How do you put trust in this world? Am I just totally getting this wrong or is there something to it? Are you always aware that you are in fact in the real world?
No, I wasn't convinced.

In fact, the biggest philosophical component to my derealization (and what perpetuated it so badly) was that I couldn't shake the feeling that the world wasn't real. I remember at the peak of depersonalization, I wondered if everyone around me was some sort of actor / actress. I'd frantically search for anything that could prove my theory right or wrong - and I spent a lot of my time posting on this forum as a result, just like you. The problem is, you'll never find enough evidence to satisfy you. There will always be something else to continue this line of obsession.

You've built a paradigm in your head that the world is fake. Anything that may indicate to you that this perception you have is incorrect must pass through this box you've created. The box will distort, corrupt, and destroy everything that passed through it in order to meet the perspective that this world isn't real. The problem is not the questions that you're asking. The problem is that you're asking the questions in the first place. This indicates to me that you've dug yourself into a circular-thinking rut.

To get out of this rut, you need to just go all-in. Trust that the world is real and work on curbing the thoughts, not trying to answer them. If you try to answer them (even if you can prove them wrong), you're still giving importance to the backwards logic and letting it continue to spiral.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
182 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks Solomon. It's always appreciated when you take the time to answer in such detail. I'm gonna save your post and print it on a coping card for myself, because what you said about yourself really resonates with me.

Over the last couple of weeks I have been mostly working on the basis that the world is real, and doing things with the idea that it is, even if I don't believe it. Just sometimes I just get absolutely lost in the thinking and become a totally different person (like i'm sure alot of us do). Of course it isn't helped by the fact that I keep finding things to prove my 'world isn't real' theory. It sometimes gets you from nowhere. I was having a relatively good day for me. I went for a long bike ride, was just getting on with things. Then suddenly the idea hit me like a train, and nothing could take the focus away. It's amazing how one minute you are more sure of yourself, and the next you literally are asking yourself the question, 'do i believe this is real?'. It is very hard to shake, because it makes all of the positive re-enforcement you give yourself meaningless. The positive attitudes you had, don't have any meaning anymore, they're just words. And when you tell yourself, 'but I made sense of this before', it doesn't matter because you are telling yourself that you were wrong before and are right now.

I tell you if I do ever get out of the hell of whatever this is, it will be like several pages have disappeared from your diary. Like I wasn't actually there. If the real me comes back, he'll wonder where the heck he's been!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,605 Posts
Thanks Solomon. It's always appreciated when you take the time to answer in such detail. I'm gonna save your post and print it on a coping card for myself, because what you said about yourself really resonates with me.

Over the last couple of weeks I have been mostly working on the basis that the world is real, and doing things with the idea that it is, even if I don't believe it. Just sometimes I just get absolutely lost in the thinking and become a totally different person (like i'm sure alot of us do). Of course it isn't helped by the fact that I keep finding things to prove my 'world isn't real' theory. It sometimes gets you from nowhere. I was having a relatively good day for me. I went for a long bike ride, was just getting on with things. Then suddenly the idea hit me like a train, and nothing could take the focus away. It's amazing how one minute you are more sure of yourself, and the next you literally are asking yourself the question, 'do i believe this is real?'. It is very hard to shake, because it makes all of the positive re-enforcement you give yourself meaningless. The positive attitudes you had, don't have any meaning anymore, they're just words. And when you tell yourself, 'but I made sense of this before', it doesn't matter because you are telling yourself that you were wrong before and are right now.

I tell you if I do ever get out of the hell of whatever this is, it will be like several pages have disappeared from your diary. Like I wasn't actually there. If the real me comes back, he'll wonder where the heck he's been!
I'm glad I could help you, even if just a little bit.

I had the same thought process. I know how tough it can be to shake it off and pretend it isn't there. You know as well as I do that it is - even with all the coping skills in the world, it can be impossible pulling that thing away from your head. The more you work at it, the more you'll get better at it. Trust me, I've had to do this myself for over three years, haha.

You'll get there, though! :cool:
 
1 - 4 of 4 Posts
Top