Glad this poll is here as I never believe things appear in a vacuum.
I have so many damned comorbid disorders with this it astounds me.
Throughout my life, since a child, I have experienced a variety of conditions that in a sense sort of go hand in hand.
I was crabbing about this in another post, and recently, really forcing myself into various situations, being active/productive have made things worse. Oddly enough the DP/DR hasn't gotten worse with these things.
Sigh.
As a girl, depression and anxiety (GAD) which I believe come hand in hand. There is an observation in the medical community and in reserach that 50% of depressed people have anxiety and 50% of anxious people have depression. Everything seems to be part and parcel of one thing or another.
I have had periods of OC traits -- perfectionism that became debilitating.
I ruminate about terrible things happening all the time.
I do have DP/DR. I'd say yes, now, (chaged my mind for the 20th time) that I have DP Disorder, but I have no clue what came first, anxiety/depression. No clue.
I'm a hypochondriac, moreso as a young girl.
Oddly enough in my younger years, I was gregarious, appear "very normal" ... God I hate that, lol. I am an emotional person unless I am trapped in a DP/DR Hell.
I am still social. When I force myself out, I can laugh with people, carry on as though all is fine. Other times not.
I also have a number of autoimmune disorders which in theory come from excessive cortisol levels -- in essense, chronic unremitting stress.
I have BP traits.
I'm a freakin' mess.
Bottom line, I keep pushing along.
I've said this before, for those who have depression and agitation (which is different from anxiety) to read "Unholy Ghost: Writers on Depression" -- it is incredible and sadly describes me to a "T".
I do have DP Disorder, but it isn't there alone. I don't know if "Pure DP Disorder" in and of itself is THAT common without all this other garbage going along with it -- but I believe it exists -- and clearly people here seem to have that syndrome in and of itself. I wonder if the existential thoughts come first or the sense of losing one's Self lead to these ruminations. Although as a child I brought on DP thinking of death, existential thoughts.
Venting, venting, venting.
One day at a time.
My God I wish I could socialize more, make friends, healthy friends that would keep me going. Still make the effort, but it is exhausting.
I also want a loving relationship with a man, and I want SEX -- even though I often feel like an "observer". It is a tension reliever, and I so want that closeness. It has been such a long time.
OK. End of rant.
I just heard Bob Seger in my car. "Those are the things that make me a wealthy soul" -- relationships.
That's all that matter I think. Friends and lovers. Emotional contact. So difficult for me now.
I do have really one very close friend, who lives 800 miles away. Thanks B.
Damn, I should have my IMAC next week. Tired of waiting.
Sorry again for rant.
D.
