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Hi Soul

I can relate a little bit to your situation. From about 15 - 19 I was involved with people who weren't entirely wholesome characters. As a well-educated, well-spoken private school kid (don't know if its the same in the US, basically, my parents paid a fortune for my education from age 4)I had surrounded myself with drug dealers, petty criminals, some not so petty, single teen mothers, alcoholics and some outright dangerous people, two of which are in prison for extremely serious crimes, the rest in and out of prison. One boyfriend was an alcoholic who from what I can gather, fathered two children whilst with me, another a drug dealer/alcoholic. I do not regret these times, however, as I have learnt from them. They do not affect me today, as I mainly stayed out of serious trouble myself and I learnt from mistakes I made, and the decisions I make in life are better informed from these years, especially having seen a different side the essentially very privileged life that I had become accustomed to. That is not to say that I am not very sorry for the heartache I caused my parents and I sit and talk with my friend and we just say 'Why? Why did we put ourselves in such a position when we could have been sat at home in comfort and safety?' We feel shame and guilt towards ourselves and our families.

My life could have been very different had I not left the situation when I did. I was lucky to have not been dragged down to. I don't really know why I got into the situation, but given the chance, I would probably do it all again. I think it was distraction from something, though at the time I didn't know what. I was running from myself. But now it's a part of me and you have to take the positives out of life, learn from everything, even dp, and you can come out a better person.

That classic 'feeling special' symptom a lot of us has was a saving grace. I knew I was 'destined' for better things, which kept me from going down the wrong path. Also, I believe everyone on this site is special, because we all have a sense of emotional intelligence and self awareness that others don't have, use it Soulbro, to make the right decisions. Keep out of trouble, tread water in this mess and work at being you, you seem really intelligent and I think you know you deserve more than this.

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