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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi,

EXCUSE for my complaint!

I just had a bad day and I had to say it. I went to the metro and bus, and it's the 3nd time this year. I went to my psy. I felt so disconnected on the bus, not there, in my bubble. At this time I can't think of what I've done before, I have a foggy mind, have troubl to think about people I care... I felt like I just got projected in another dimension, without past. I am just there.

Also, I have to go thought places where I went BEFORE my breakdown, and I feel like a phantom.... walk at the same places, go to the same bus, but it's not the same me anymore... the same life anymore... I want so much to feel the old me. But I feel in a glass jar, looking at my old life. And me, who i am? I feel not in the society because I don't work, I look at people in the metro and wonder what I am doing there, and why, why, why, do I have this. Why.

Thanks, and sorry for the complaint. I had to tell it !!!! I think I need a rest. I feel so tired. Tired of being ill and have setbacks like this. Tired of psys. Tired of being tired. I'm gonna take a benzo (DONT COMMENT ON THIS PLEASE) to calm me.

Cynthia xxx
 
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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
At the risk of sounding "Anti-Bus" grin....the same thing used to happen to me.

There was something in particular about riding a bus in that state that was unbearable. I already felt like I WAS inside a bus with glass windows, lol...then riding on the actual bus and seeing the world "out there" close to me, but removed...I was stuck inside a moving bubble, and couldn't really "Feel" or "Hear" the world just outside the window.

I always said that riding a bus when DP'd was like being in a bus inside a bus.

Hope you're feeling better, dear one....

Peace,
J
 
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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks Janine,

I am a bit better today, thanks.

About this sentence : not there, in my bubble. At this time I can't think of what I've done before, I have a foggy mind, have troubl to think about people I care... I felt like I just got projected in another dimension, without past.
I wonder if it's anxiety who does that, at high doses???

It seem that I freeze mentally when I go out in public places that I've went before. I just CANT think straight. I just can't feel there, or think of myself, and REALLY feel like I am gonna crazy. I feel like I have O memory. And the old me doesn't exist. Short term memory of me doesn't exist. Do you understand?Eventually, when I come back at home, it's sure, I can think a bit of what happened, but it's always foggy. ut I see my kid, cry a bit, and replace myself in my environment. But, it's WORSE in those public tranportation.

Am I alone with this f$/% memory feeling?

Thanks

Cynthia :)
 

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Cynthia, no you are not alone with the 'memory feeling' - there is someone in London who has the same problem. When I am dp'ed, as I am at the moment, I can't remember anything very much and it certainly feels like I have forgotten my life - as most of it has been dped perhaps that is no bad thing! I have felt the glass jar effect too for many years, its less intense now than it used to be. My mind often feels completely stuck, unable to respond by thought, feeling, reaction to what I am doing or experiencing. Unable to absorb, unable to connect. I feel disconnected in my body and mind, I go through tasks like an automaton, often do things randomly, very forgetful, no feelings, unable to think clearly and constantly analysing/watching my state.....I don't have the bus thing, I usually quite like being on buses behind the glass, because that is where I feel I am anyway, and it seems more right being there than anywhere else, it seems to halve rather than double the effect of my inner state. Regards to Montreal, some of my most dped memories and one of my dearest friends are from over there Sarah xx
 
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