Imagine, you're 17 years old, right ? And you've been drinking 6 pints a night for how long? Incidently, I see you're from Glasgow - I went to University there. How is the old place? Still 'Smile's Better'? I used to live right next to Partick Thistle FC, in Fir Hill.
Anyway, I'm not going to be a prude with this, I used to drink heavily, and still have the occassional binge, but this really isn't helping you mate. You've got to get find a balance where you can clear your head and try and, well, try and get a grip. I'm not patronising you, it's the simple truth. There are no miracle cures for this crap. You have to act to help yourself, in the long-term.
In my humble opinion, personally, I think that benzo's are far better and far less dangerous than alcohol for controlling anxiety. If you need to take them, take them. I've spoken to many doctors who, off the record, think the same thing. But you can't just keep lurching from one disaster to another. A few hours of respite on Valium or half a bottle of vodka is not the answer. I don't know the underlying reasons for why you feel like you do, but either way, you've got to start from scratch. Starting now. Because the longer you thrash around in agony with this, the harder it is going to take to shake it off. Take the valium, and when you feel better (and you will), and your head clears, you must must must start to make a plan - ask yourself questions about how you can start to reclaim your life. If you just sit back and enjoy the brief moment of relief, you ain't going to get anywhere. This is going to be to biggest challange of you life, so step up and spit in it's face. Because after that, you'll have the rest of your life to look forward to.
