Depersonalization Support Forum banner
1 - 3 of 3 Posts

· Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello all,

I used to post here (well, just a little bit) back in 2008. I had a bad case of DP/DR, from about 9/2007 to about 3/2008, it took me about half a year to climb out of the hole back then. My username was Asmodeane, but I can't get that account back because the email address is no longer valid.

And now, fourteen years later, I find myself in the same terror infested dungeon of my mind, trapped and unable to escape.

It all started with health anxiety, as I had some health problems this spring that I obsessed over. Then my SO decided that she wanted a house and a baby, so I changed jobs to get more money and status, and that was very stressful as well. And of course as soon as I got to my new job, at the end of June, I caught covid. That was hell, for despite having three Pfizer jabs in my arm, it wasn't one of those "oh I sneezed a few times and had a headache" experiences, I powered through covid in five days, had fever all the way, and then went back to work, fearing that I'd make a bad first impression and they'd fire me otherwise. Huge mistake. It nearly killed me, the post exertional malaise was very bad, had terrible stress, fatigue, palpitations... Still I persevered. It slowly got better, but the fatigue didn't improve and the stress I was under at work grew worse.

So, struggling under this growing mountain of anxiety inducing crap, I finally snapped, and started depersonalizing again. I think it started last Wednesday, but I am not entirely sure as the onset was not instant, but rather manifested itself as a series of intrusive thoughts, existential/solipsistic thought that eventually just never went away. I am now scared to think, and find myself boxed in, trapped in my mind.

Now I have started taking 5mg Lexapro (escitalopram) in the mornings, it's been three days and I am fervently hoping that the good effects would come start soon.

Last time I had DPDR I was misdiagnosed with Schizophrenia, and put on neuroleptics, 300mg of Seroquel. It was awful, I was numb, shaky, and jerky. My dreams turned into nightmares indistinguishable from reality. So once that didn't work, the doc took me off it and put me on escitalopram, starting with five and increasing to ten milligrams. That, along with gradual increase in socialisation, helped put me on the right track. I met my current SO, and recovered completely, apart from a short bout of DP in 2010. I eventually quit Escitalopram, around 2017, tapering off over the course of months. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't the hardest thing I've ever done either. I now thoroughly regret that decision, as it led to the insidious rise of hypochondria, overthinking, and anxiety, as well as low key depression.

So here I am, sigh. Once again. At 42. I thought that I'd "outgrown" all this, but no. Here I am again, praying that the meds will work this time as well, and hoping that I haven't ruined my life.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
188 Posts
Welcome back to hell. :poop:

Since a drug worked for you previously you might have a good chance that it works again. If it does, will you discontinue it again after some time or stay on it for the rest of your life?
 

· Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Welcome back to hell. :poop:

Since a drug worked for you previously you might have a good chance that it works again. If it does, will you discontinue it again after some time or stay on it for the rest of your life?
You know, I think I'll just stay on it for the rest of my foreseeable life! 🙃 And yes, I really hope it helps this time around. My DP was anxiety triggered, more or less, so I hope that by removing anxiety I will be able to deal with DP as well. The obsessive components, intrusive thoughts etc, kinda stopped being scary all by themselves last time, as soon as the fear was properly dealt with. It's just such a pain to wait for weeks and weeks before anything happens.
 
1 - 3 of 3 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top