Sorry you are going through that... for me some thoughts can feel like a danger to me in and of themselves. Like when I am in a strong DP episode I feel like I am not myself, that I am going crazy (even if I think I know better), that I am not going to be myself ever again, this usual stuff. And this kind of thought feel different to me than other kinds of thoughts. They feel like abysses I can fall into just by thinking about them.
In a sense, what I
try to do when I have this kind of thoughts, is to remember they follow the same patter as any thought, they are not so different. Somehow, with this kind of thoughts/sensations, I automatically treat them as something real, I get invested in them, or to be more correct, when these thoughts start I am already 100% invested in them mentally. And so what I try to do is to remember that this is still following the same pattern my mind is following for any thought, like: thought/concept/switch in point of view ---- gives rise to ------> sensation .
And I try to remember it is the same mechanism as usual, except the resulting sensation is shittier.
Just like "I think about how my mother tries to guilt me when I don't pick up the phone" ---> "I get upset and defensive".
Or "I think about my colleague who judges my work" ---> "I get afraid"
Being upset and defensive, or being afraid, are sensations. And when they are triggered I don't get rid of them easily, I have to walk with them for a while, maybe an hour, a day, or a week. But they are not dangerous, they are just shitty feelings that follow me for a while.
And in my case the feeling of not being myself feels like something dangerous in and of itself, so I try to put it back in the place where it belongs, it is "just" a sensation, like fear or anger, except it feels way shittier to me. It still is a shitty as it is. But still, it is of the same nature as fear or anger.
I recently discovered that youtube channel that makes really good videos on psychology. I did finish watching this one, but so far it seems very good:
I really like the way things are explained. Maybe it would deserve its own post here. (They also have a very good video criticizing the concept of "unconsciously seeking abusive relationships").
