after 15 months of constant DPDR (which was triggered by smoking weed_ definitely not for the first time
), I smoked weed again (after 15 months of sobriety).
Here is the whole thing:
I took a trip
to the north part of my country with my old friend(cousin) and stayed at the beach
for a few days. While enjoying the cold seasonal climate, we smoked weed for a period of 4 straight days. Then I returned to the capital city where I live where we smoked weed again.
So basically, there was nothing disturbing
for me. At times it made me enjoy
the moment and at times it made me more aware of my dissociation
. The high was not comparable to the times when I was not dissociated. It made me more numb at times
. But it increased my creativity 10x more as it did before. It also made that feeling of "Frame to Frame vision"
vague and more distanced.
During the previous week in which I was completely high, there were a lot of emotional ups and downs but it didn't frighten me. I'm used to feeling dp'd all the time
. The high didn't bother me at all and as I said I even enjoyed it at times.
I've been feeling extremely anxious and depressed at times during this 15 months of dpdr
but I smoked weed in a happy mood
and it didn't exacerbate my situation.
1_ large amounts of a SATIVA/INDICA combo (maybe around 70% thc
2_smoking 1 or 2 blunts a day
3_doing it with an old friend
/ peer (who is psychology graduate)
4_I'm 22 and into too much shitty philosophical and existential subjects
_ I'm an artist_ INFJ
5_I started with a microdose and built up tolerance to it
6_I'm not going to smoke weed regularly again
MY SUBJECTIVE RESULTS:
I'm not recovered yet.
As I stated above weed didn't bother me. Compared to the disastrous effects of cheap alcohol, weed didn't make my dpdr worse.
I don't recommend anyone to try this. And after reading almost 80% of recovery stories on the internet I believe that the path to recovery is deeply tied to "Giving my existence the vital peace" and this could be done by either NOT GIVING DP A FUCKING THOUGHT
or by GOING THROUGH TRAUMAS
. A combination of these two methods (if we can even call the first one a method LOL) may even speed up the recovery process.
At the end, I want you to take a look at this post (which I can totally relate to) : http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/53083-behind-every-fear-there-is-a-wish-recovery/