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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Right.

So, I'm a 16 year old girl. I smoked one hit of weed, sent me into a panic attack, woke up with INTENSE dp/dr. Have been smoking weed for a while in small amounts irregularly. Before I had the hit I was extremely stressed, overwhelmed and upset.

Now, it's been a bit over a month since it all started.

I've previously experienced pretty bad anxiety episodes that last a couple months but they always clear up, I KNOW this will happen with my DP/DR, it's just a matter of getting there.

I've noticed that my symptoms change A LOT, on a day to day basis. At the start of the experience I felt like I was living in a dream world, thought I might be dead, had no connection with who I saw in the mirror. I had a lot of panic attacks in the first week and hated leaving my house for the first couple of weeks, but then I got back to school. No one can tell anything is wrong with me, except for me, my boyfriend and my best friend.

Nothing has changed on the outside of me.

I can act normal, even though in my head I feel like screaming.

One thing that has really triggered me since the start is noticing how sounds feel in my head, if that makes sense. I just become extremely aware of sounds and how strange the sensation of hearing is and then all these thoughts start to flow.

After I began to get over the dream like feeling, another REALLY HORRIBLE feeling started to kick in. Keep in mind that I overthink like nothing else. It's just apart of who I am.

I've began to feel like my perception of the world has changed forever and that I won't be able to get out of it (I always remind myself that I WILL get out of it with time but that's what my brain tells me in those irrational moments, if you get me). Everything feels like, sharp almost. Like I know I'm in this world, but that I can't wrap my head around it.

I think weird sort of existential thoughts like 'what is sight?' 'what is this voice in my head?', you know, reality just make sense together anymore.

I begin to question the very basis of my existence and everything starts to feel so horrible.

I start to feel like I'm going insane, like it'll never end, like maybe I've fucking died and this is what the after life is like.

I've become hyper aware of everything. I'll hear one tiny sound and I'll ask someone near me if they could hear it too, just to see if it was a hallucination, even though I've never hallucinated in my life. Although, as I'm going to sleep I'll often hear the start of dreams, like random voices. They never say anything bad, just random words or phrases. I'll always go to sleep a minute or two after they start. Does anyone else experience that??

I can feel emotions, I don't feel empty or emotionless anymore (I did in the first couple weeks) but I just can't put things together and that scares me. Nothing makes sense anymore and I don't know how to put everything back together again.

When I'm completely distracted my DP/DR will go away for anywhere between a couple minutes to a few hours, it starts again when I remember it.

I'm going away on exchange in a couple weeks, which has heightened my anxiety, which has in turn heightened my DP/DR. I'm EXTREMELY nervous to go away. I'm scared that I won't be able to cope with being away from everything that used to make sense. I'm hoping that I'll get settled in and be so distracted by learning a new language that my DP/DR goes away but in the mean time I'm scared shitless.

This has been a horrible experience. One of the worst in my life. I want it to be over more than anything. I want my old perception of the world back.

How do I deal with this??

Am I normal?

Has anyone else experienced similar symptoms?

Thank you.
 
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