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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Not focussing on the illness.

Do you have a feeling that something is wrong with your life? That you actually would be living a life which is utterly different from the one you are living right now if the conditions were right? Do you sense a wall or a 'glass jar' feeling holding you back from doing the things you are imagining?
 

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exactly. I wouldnt really describe it as a glass jar really because to me it isn't as clear. Its more like a fog, or some sort of blanket drappeed over you. You feel like you're in a sleepwalking state all the time. The bad doesnt hurt as much, but you dont feel the good as much either. That really gets me down-feeling neutral to the whole world all the time.

And sometimes I get into states where nothing even matters. Like my brothers would call me all these insults and Ill just let it in one ear and out the other without even really hearing them. Pain doesnt hurt as much either. Someone hits you, you feel it, but more like a numbing, not the full sensation. Everything is like a numbing. Your whole world goes numb.

There are seconds whereyou will actually feel again though. But they never last. The feeling, the ACTUAL feeling, of wind blowing against your cheek puts you in a state of euphoria,absolute contentement that everything is going to be ok, but then it goes away, a second later, and you're left feeling neutral once again. Your whole world is once again numb, and there you are, a zombie, waiting for that next eyeopening awakeness.

If you're lucky the awakeness comes once a month, but usually it's about three to five times a year. The real lucky ones are the ones who don't have this...what...disease?...condition?...illness?

Sorry for the whole essay but when you hear the words so loud in your head sometimes you cant resist writing them. That's another thing, you HEAR your thoughts LOUDER than you hear the world. It's messed up.

THE END
(I just had to put that!)
Brandy
 

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Sometimes I do. Sometimes I believe "I could be doing X, Y, and Z if it wasn't for the DP. But then other times I believe I really couln't because I am so messed up anyway :cry:
 

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@bbsan, nicely said, know what you mean

i don't know if i would be doing other things
i am still going on studying, although it's so hard
and driving me crazy
but i said to myself i wouldn't let the dp mess up this study
cause it allready once has done that before,
now i want to deside what to do...

xxx
 

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bbsan said:
exactly. I wouldnt really describe it as a glass jar really because to me it isn't as clear. Its more like a fog, or some sort of blanket drappeed over you. You feel like you're in a sleepwalking state all the time. The bad doesnt hurt as much, but you dont feel the good as much either. That really gets me down-feeling neutral to the whole world all the time.

And sometimes I get into states where nothing even matters. Like my brothers would call me all these insults and Ill just let it in one ear and out the other without even really hearing them. Pain doesnt hurt as much either. Someone hits you, you feel it, but more like a numbing, not the full sensation. Everything is like a numbing. Your whole world goes numb.

There are seconds whereyou will actually feel again though. But they never last. The feeling, the ACTUAL feeling, of wind blowing against your cheek puts you in a state of euphoria,absolute contentement that everything is going to be ok, but then it goes away, a second later, and you're left feeling neutral once again. Your whole world is once again numb, and there you are, a zombie, waiting for that next eyeopening awakeness.

If you're lucky the awakeness comes once a month, but usually it's about three to five times a year. The real lucky ones are the ones who don't have this...what...disease?...condition?...illness?

Sorry for the whole essay but when you hear the words so loud in your head sometimes you cant resist writing them. That's another thing, you HEAR your thoughts LOUDER than you hear the world. It's messed up.

THE END
(I just had to put that!)
Brandy
yea i feel the same exact way, lookin for that one moment of awakeness, and if i do get it its lost just like that. me too pain doesn't really hurt me, it would take a lot to hurt me, seeing i don't feel pinches or if someone hits me. you would have to hit me pretty dam hard for me to feel it. and if i do feel pain it doesn't really hurt. i don't try to hurt myself, cuz there is no use, but sometimes i wish it can hurt when i bump into something or someone punches me in the arm or just anything, a pinch. all bodily sensations are numb. thats one of the things that bothers me the most, but everything about dp/dr bothers me. its like i have no control. like i'm stuck in a glass wall and there is no way out.
 

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hell f u c k i n yeah! don't know what it is though. generally restless, irritable, and discontent and i don't know why. i lack independence, self-sufficiency, a college degree, i still live at home i HATE home, home is where all teh bad feelings i experienced in my original breakdown were....etc.
 

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Des said:
Not focussing on the illness.

Do you have a feeling that something is wrong with your life? That you actually would be living a life which is utterly different from the one you are living right now if the conditions were right? Do you sense a wall or a 'glass jar' feeling holding you back from doing the things you are imagining?
i do believe dp can change your life completely
if i don't have it, i am a very positive person
who wants to do so much as possible
now i'm o so negative, like; what's the use of walking around like this
but i know that that's wrong to think
so then i just get mad at myself
concluding; i'm so messed up

xxx
 
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