I’ve seen this spoken on before but I wanted to bring it up again and also elucidate my experience with it....one day, or night, I woke up and I didn’t recognize myself, my hair, my eyes, my whole being I guess. I thought...I think this is again lately, that I took over this person’s life and body who formerly was living in it. I panicked about taking a shower, scared of my reflection; I didn’t wash my hair right. I forgot how to. To this day I still can’t wash the shampoo and conditioner out of my hair...the dissociation started in June of ‘08. Part of my mind that knew certain processes kind of shut down? or hid away? I didn’t know how to react to other people...hand motions and body language anymore. I pretty much followed and copied others’ gestures. My mind before I woke up like this felt blank, the thoughts and memories distant. I have this weird memory of crawling on the floor, testing my sanity....and it just felt odd. I felt scared and simultaneously like I was wasting time and losing my mind. I’d get flashbacks of waking up as just as a baby before and then seeing myself as a teenage girl. (I was 16 at the time). That image haunted me, especially waiting at a desk as a hostess with much blank time where no one was coming in. As I thought more about it, the intrusive image grew and with it came other thoughts.... “you switched places with yourself from a later time/now” “you are an imposter” “you are an infant and you have no mind, no originality” “you’ve been copying others this whole time” and then this voice started giving me rules and I started getting “what ifs” and it just got worse and worse. I’d barely be expressive, afraid I was mirroring other people...my vocabulary was stricken down because “it wasn’t fair” for me to use these words, that I didn’t have the right, that developmentally I was an infant. I started getting these bad head aches. I became less and less composed and free in photos, my smile altered. Anyway, i got help some months later, too late I think...started taking Prozac, eventually was upped to 80 mg...now at 60, been taking that for awhile. The rest of high school happened, then college. I made bad choices...I was impulsive, emotional, was sexual with guys because it distracted me from the “delusions” “dissociations” and I liked the attention. It relieved my stress too and I guess I enjoyed it. I did get a BA in psych but haven’t advanced and graduated back in 2014. I have limited friendships and interactions with others, besides my parents, who I still live with, my aunt, and a couple friends. My grandmothers died one year after the other, 2016 and 2017, and I think it’s helped trigger all of this. Plus I made the riisky decision of getting off Prozac while I tried grad school for social work...dropped the program after a semester. I have a low-paying job at a grocery store, which I only work part-time, limited motivation to exercise and eat healthier, don’t drink enough fluids. I mostly read, listen to music and play video games with my time. I’ll play the piano once in awhile too. I know I’m psychologically unwell but I don’t know what to do at this point...I’ve been in therapy overtime with a few different therapists, some which helped and some that didn’t much. I’ve been thinking of trying hypnosis or ECT. I pinball between suicidal and at times, really happy, goofy. Thanks for reading.